All this week I have been stuck in a loop. I have ranted, complained, and cried foul. Now that I’ve got it out of my system, I think I can start fresh next week with a bevy of new topics. Of course, the week isn’t over yet, so there is still one more chance to share my observations with you. If you’re reading this for the first time, please take a moment to browse through the previous four days’ entries to get yourself acclimated to the pure hatred that has been spewed from the blackened pit of my soul. Then, eat some ice cream. When you’re feeling up to it, leave a comment and share your own frustrations. Life can be annoying sometimes. It’s perfectly normal to scream and bitch about it. Without any further ado…
TOP TEN “WHAT THE FUCK?”
(in no particular order)
– Women: Quit throwing me mixed signals. I’m not good with signals. I drive through stop signs and stop at green lights. How do you expect me to to navigate through your vagaries? Just use your words to let me know where I stand, and things will be a lot less awkward for you and I. Especially when you catch me walking by your house every single day.
– Soundtracks Homepage: I have no idea how legal this is, but my first guess would be, “not very.” It’s the soundtracks for countless video games across multiple platforms, from NES to PC to PSX and beyond. It’s pretty intense. I need to find a way to secretly use some of the clips I downloaded in various music projects.
– Pitchfork Fest: So what, you think that because you put on a Vans Warped Tour for bands that appeal to impressionable MySpace addicts you’re somehow giving back to the community? What makes promotion of the bands at this festival any different than those promoted by “mainstream” music festivals? It’s a sham, and it reeks of opportunism. I always thought the fun of being a music fan is discovering it on your own and enjoying it on your terms, not having it paraded in front of you in an attempt to achieve mass consent without protest.
– Mighty Mary: Have you ever seen a picture of a five-ton Asian elephant getting hanged for inadvertently killing some people? And if you think that’s fucked up, you might want to hold your disgust until you watch the electrocution of Topsy by renowned douchebag Thomas Edison.
– Diet Coke With Lime Can Kill You: It’s tasty and nutritious, or so I thought, until all these studies have been published in medical journals lately discussing the awful, unhealthy chemical contents of those beautiful, comforting aluminum cans. If drinking unnatural chemicals and getting cancer is wrong…I don’t want to be right.
– People Who Think The Earth Is Hollow: I read an article on this a few days ago, and then heard an audio snippet when I was listening to one of the early episodes of The Best Podcast You Have. It’s a fun, vivid bedtime story, but come on…Do you also believe Jesus was the son of God and died for your sins? Better yet, do you believe there is a God?
– Sandy Bull: I wish I could play guitar that well.
– Photo Booth: It has turned me into the most vain person in the world, and yet I’m still completely insecure and hate myself. Whenever I’m waiting for a file to transfer, or an important e-mail, I’m panning for a fucking camera. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve yet to have one picture turn out well.
– Smashing Pumpkins: Heard their new song on the radio the other day. Thirty minutes later, it ended. I guess those years off didn’t give Billy enough time to learn how to edit himself. If you’re trying to write a good pop/rock song, it doesn’t always have to be six-minutes long. Also, what’s the point of using that band name when it’s still only you and the drummer? Why wasn’t Zwan also Smashing Pumpkins. You make no sense sir, and your shameless attempt to cash-in on your own legacy will prove to be your demise. The song sucked, by the way.
– Guns And Dope: Finally, a political party I can really stand behind.
