Kate turned me onto this Google Street Views application yesterday, and apparently it has created quite an uprising amongst members of the populace who decry invasions of their privacy. The New York Times has an article in their Technology section that speaks to these concerns, and sites the WIRED Magazine blog entry calling for unique or weird photographs captured by the Google camera that constructs their Street Views. I for one don’t care about such issues, but then again the camera hasn’t caught me picking my nose or sunbathing in a bikini. Until then, I’m all for the Street Views. It’s actually going to motivate me to be outdoors a lot, so I can be there when the car treks to LA to construct its street-level view of my neighborhood.
Bad news, everyone! It’s Friday. That means it is time for another weekly top ten. This one was inspired by
TOP TEN “OH, (CURRENT BAND)? NO THANKS, I’D RATHER LISTEN TO (BAND THEY’RE RIPPING OFF).”
10. Black Angels & Spacemen 3 – Come on, you’re not fooling anybody, Angels. I could recognize that drum sound seeping through somebody’s iPod earbuds from across a busy street. Why not just go for it and inject some bluesy guitar licks? Or you could hire an electric jug player and revive the whole 13th Floor Elevators thing…Although, I must admit I’m really impressed that you convinced Ade Blackburn to sing in your band.
09. Band Of Horses & Built To Spill – Admittedly, I’ve never heard this Band Of Horses. Frankly, their name sucks. Can we issue an immediate moratorium on band names with animals in them? According to part-time rock critic, full time rock purist Ilya, this group sounds “like every plaintive Built To Spill ballad,” and I have no reason to think he’s being dishonest.
08. Ryan Adams & Everybody – This one is so obvious that it carries almost no weight. It still deserves to be mentioned though, because I don’t think there has ever been a musician who has managed to build a career on less raw talent than this punk. He’s ripped off more people than I can count. Ok, I get it. Someone gave you a copy of “The Basement Tape” and it inspired you to no end. Now can you at least decide whether or not your southern accent stays or goes? It’s getting kind of hard to listen to an album when it varies widely from song to song.
07. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club & Jesus And Mary Chain – Just look at those names and tell me you can’t already spot any similarities. They each have four words. Also, they each have a penchant for white noise and feedback squalls. The only difference is, one did it first and one is still trying to do it after several failed attempts.
06. Calla & Bark Psychosis – You could take this a step further, because Bark Psychosis picked up where Talk Talk left off, but I’d rather give them some credit because they expanded on the minimalist post-rock thing and added an aura of electronic ambiance to it. Calla just came along at the right time, copied it, and made a name for themselves as being revolutionaries. Now they just write God-awful goth-pop songs. Good job, fellas.
05. Rufus Wainwright & Oklahoma [soundtrack] – This guy’s whole life is a staged musical (where he plays the lead role, thus requiring constant wardrobe changes), so it’s only fitting his entire oeuvre is lifted from shitty Rodgers and Hammerstein productions. Tone it down, guy. I know you’re gay and all, but nobody is THAT gay.
04. Devendra Banhart & Dave Bixby – The only difference here is the goofy voice, which is a total put-on. His songwriting is atrocious and his guitar playing is on equal footing with his songwriting. Calypso finger-picking and angular guitar parts aren’t anything new. But if the person those hands belong to happens to look like a freak of fucking nature, apparently it’s really special and authentic. I could name fifty burnt-out folk musicians whose acid-drenched records were more convincing than this dirty hippie’s.
03. The Arcade Fire & Bruce Springsteen’s “Born To Run,” or Phil Collins’ “Face Value” – I finally heard a song from the new Arcade Fire the other night as I was driving somewhere with Steve. He immediately picked out what it was, but all I heard was some pipe organ and a guy who sounded like a second-rate Daniel Smith yelping to no end. Seriously, are these guys any different from Marilyn Manson? They feel an inherent need to push the envelope to prove their relevance, and no matter how hard they try it only further exposes them as the self-conscious fuck-ups we know they are.
02. Interpol & The Chameleons (UK) – If you can listen to “Script the Bridge” and not suddenly become overwhelmed with embarrassment at having enjoyed the first Interpol record, why sir (or ma’am) you are truly a unique soul. I expect once you find the album, your face will suddenly become flushed, and you will have the desire to throw “Turn On The Bright Lights” out the fucking window into oncoming traffic. Some of you might vomit. Proceed with caution.
01. Sufjan Stevens & A 3rd Grade Production Of “Goin’ Buggy” – It’s cute. It’s pathetic. It’s endearing in its utter helplessness, kind of like a wounded animal. Honestly, is it hard to believe that Sufjan “50 States” Stevens (how’s that project going, by the way? Have you gotten to South Dakota yet?) is on the same level as a bunch of 8-year olds on stage in costume singing songs drenched in unnecessary instrumentation about arbitrary subject matter? No, it’s not hard to believe, because they are identical. They’re trying hard to impress you, looking innocently at you with sad puppy dog eyes, all the while exhibiting no talent whatsoever. Here Sufjan, I made you this homemade crown out of macaroni and pipe cleaners and cupcake wrappers. Maybe you can write an entire album’s worth of songs using it as your inspiration. It’ll be a concept album about a gingerbread king in a frosted icing castle. We can call it, “The Saga Of Benny, Gingerbread King, And His Licorice-Lipped Wife, The Saddest Queen This Side Of The Rhone.” Tell you what…I won’t even ask you for any royalties, fuck face.
