Step aside, music fans! You are not going to want to listen to this mix tape. I usually collect the music for the Sunday Mix Tapes over the course of the week. I have been so swamped with work and other commitments, I arrived home tonight and realized that I had no music for a mix! Luckily, Nicci offered me choices from her CD collection, and the idea for a Sunday Crap Tape instantly came to mind. Obviously I couldn’t use my own collection to assemble such a compilation, because I have impeccable taste. Plus, everybody knows that girls have horrible taste in music (sorry, it’s true — how many times do we have to condescendingly pat you on the head and say, “It’s alright, honey, you have great taste!” before you get the hint?). By next week things will return to normal, so I recommend leaving the page right now and returning tomorrow.
Nicci has asked that I relay a message: She doesn’t listen to any of this music anymore. It was all collected during high school. Plus, some were random CDs people left in her car.
It’s alright, honey, you have great taste!
Swan Fungus readers, download these tracks at your own risk!
If you’re here at Swan Fungus for the first time to download any of these tracks, hello! Do not bookmark this page! You will not like this blog!
RULES for uninitiated noobs: With roughly 100MB of webspace, I give birth to a weekly Mix Tape to be deposited on your iPods or Zunes or Kingklangs or whatever the industry is currently pushing on you. Sometimes there will be themes that link all the songs together, other times I’ll just throw songs at a wall (not literally) and see what sticks. This week has already been explained, but check out the description following each track name to see further reasons for its inclusion. As always, these songs will be removed if desired by the band or those who represent them. Let me know and I will gladly comply. The goal of this endeavor, as always, is to pique your interest in these artists so you’ll support the artists and buy their albums.
Sunday Crap Tape Number 1
Tracklist:
01. Weird Al Yankovic – Livin’ In The Fridge – Because what is a crappy mix tape without a Weird Al song, especially when he’s aping a terrible Aerosmith song!
02. John Mayer – Comfortable – Because it is the longest song on the album, which automatically makes it the worst. Prolonging the process of listening to a John Mayer song is the only thing in the world worse than simply listening to a John Mayer song. The album is called Insides Want Out, which is quite apt considering my insides want out whenever I hear John Mayer’s stupid voice.
03. The Used – Poetic Tragedy – Because I don’t know anything about this band, but Nicci immediately put it in the “crap” pile of her CDs so I ran with it. Any band who names a song “Poetic Tragedy” has to totally suck.
04. Ace Of Base – Living In Danger – Because any Ace Of Base song that isn’t “The Sign,” or “All That She Wants,” or “Don’t Turn Around” is horrible, and I think this one is the most horrible!
05. U2 – Angel Of Harlem – Because what is a crap tape without Bono!? He’s the crappiest! This song opens with a saxophone, and I think the rationale behind the title was, “There’s a jazz saxophone. Black people play jazz. We should call it ‘Angel Of Harlem!'” Then Bono called someone “brutha,” issued a statement about Africa, fingered his dick, and rewrote the score for his sure-fire broadway flop “Spidey!”.
06. Dave Matthews – Dodo – Because Dave Matthews is the douchiest musician on earth, and this song is cringeworthy. Listening to this song is like smelling Abercrombie & Fitch. Pat recommended I use a song called “Don’t Drink The Water”, but apparently no one I know is retarded enough to own whatever album that song is on.
07. Yellowcard – Only One – Because Nicci and Ilya both knew this song, and I think they both said they liked it, but I chose it as the worst song on the album because, well, they both liked it.
08. Relient K – Forward Motion – Because Nicci says this song is about God, and she should know — she actually went through an intense, two-year-long Christian phase. I know, right? And yet…somehow I still find the strength to love her.
09. Brandy – Never Say Never – Because it’s just…awful. With each successive song we decided on for this mix tape, I started to feel a little worse. It’s like, for almost four years I have prided myself on my integrity, and now there’s a fucking Brandy song on my blog. I hate myself just thinking about it.
10. Billy Corgan – Strayz – Because not only did Billy Corgan actually spell the word “Strayz,” but because it’s the song on his sickening solo album with the loudest vocal mix, and because it’s the last song on a Billy Corgan album. We all know how poor Billy boy has an ego so large it prevents him from editing anything he’s ever written, so the last few tracks on all his albums are always the worst. This one is really the worst.
11. 2Pac – California Love – Because not only does it suck, but because the intro to the song made it okay for Kanye West to auto-tune his voice on that new album of his, which, by the way, isn’t just the worst album of 2008, it’s one of the worst albums of all time.
12. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy – Minnie The Moocher – Because it has a fucking terrible name, and it has the unfortunate effect of sounding like a Weird Al Yankovic song without actually having Weird Al Yankovic attached to it. Talk about crap!
13. Cher – Carousel Man – Because just listening to it is making me want to die. The sound of this song is the sound of all my hopes and dreams dying.
14. My Chemical Romance – Vampires Will Never Hurt You – Because Nicci tells me that it’s crap. I don’t know what it sounds like because I made a vow to myself never to listen to a single note of a My Chemical Romance song, and I’m sure as shit not going to break that vow for a fucking mix tape. If I were you I wouldn’t listen to this either. It…it just can’t be any better than listening to an entire army of vomiting people puking in unison.
15. Soupjam Stevens – Oh God, Where Are You Now? (In Blah? Blah? Blah Blah? Blah blah blah) – Because it is the longest, most pretentious song with the longest, most pretentious title on an album by the most pretentious musician to ever live, which makes it the perfect conclusion to the crappiest mix tape ever compiled.
