It’s been a fun week, hasn’t it? The days are starting to feel warmer, I’m getting used to a new work schedule, two long-time Swan Fungus readers (Ian and Sam) contributed entries, reader George sent me three rare or hard-to-find albums that I will be sharing with you in the coming weeks, and I got drunk in the middle of the afternoon thanks to reader Stephen.
Speaking of drinking, it’s Top Ten Friday, and I can’t believe I’ve never devoted a top ten list to my favorite US breweries! For the amount of beer that I consume, and the number of times I have written about what awesome beers I’ve been drinking, this list should have been compiled long, long ago. Oh well, better late than never I guess!
TOP TEN U.S. BREWERIES
Honorable Mention:
New Belgium Brewing Company – New Belgium is the only commercial brewer on this list. My adoration for their most-well-known brew, Fat Tire, began in 2004 when I was visiting my cousin William in Tucson, Arizona. I had flown to Tucson for my twenty-first birthday so that I could drive to Las Vegas with my friend Matt. One night, I decided to hang out with WIll, his wife Liz, and their newborn baby Emily. Will and I grilled burgers and played a few rounds of darts while drinking Fat Tire. He claimed it was his favorite beer. Now, when I was 21, I had just started drinking. I never drank in high school or college because I hated the taste of beers. They all tasted like piss. Fat Tire was the first one I genuinely enjoyed. You could definitely say that Fat Tire is the reason I got into drinking quality beers. New Belgium’s other beers, like their Skinny Dip (Loft), 1554 Brussels Style Black Ale, and Grand Cru are all good.
10) North Coast Brewing Company – Fort Bragg, California Micro Brewery creates some damn, damn good beers. Two of their beers have a 100% rating at Rate Beer website, and three more are at 99 and 98%. Their Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout is one of the finest I have ever encountered. Finding such a beer on tap is like having your wife ask for anal after your team just won the Superbowl. The wine store next to where I work sells bottles of Old No. 38 Stout for $1.99, and that is really, really hard to beat. I’m amazed I’m not a full-blown alcoholic yet, too. Even North Coast’s most accessible beer, Red Seal Ale, is a high-quality take on a Pale Ale.
09) Founders Brewing Company – At the Extreme Beer Festival in Boston two years ago, Founders was the one micro brewery that absolutely blew me away. The options that evening included Breakfast Stout, and Kentucky Breakfast Bourbon Aged Stout. The latter was — and still is — the most incredible Stout I have ever tasted. Several times since that night, when I’ve caught myself driving through the Midwest, I stop at local beer stores in search of Founders. In Louisville, Kentucky I downed an entire six pack of their Imperial Stout. I’ve never slept so peacefully in my life…except for the waking up dehydrated in a stranger’s living room and not knowing how to coax a glass of water from her sink.
08) Stone Brewing Co. – This Escondido, California Micro Brewery has never brewed a beer I don’t like. Except for their India Pale Ale, which is a bit too hoppy even for me. Every year I seek out their limited Imperial Russian Stout and Anniversary Ale. Arrogant Bastard, Double Bastard and Oaked Arrogant Bastard are stunning. Ruination IPA does as it says it will: ruins your palate. The Smoked Porter is out of this world. I cannot wait until the day I can visit their brewery and sample more of their creations. It’s coming soon. Maybe next month? Anyone wanna road-trip down to Escondido? We can hit-up the Pizza Port in Carlsabad on the way home…
07) Rogue Ales – For a long, long time, Newport, Orgeon’s Rogue Ales was my number one favorite micro brewery. It is a close battle with Dogfish Head, but I am fairly sure have consumed more Rogue beers than any other brewery. The first beer of theirs I tried was Brutal Bitter. It was brutal. Next came Chocolate Stout, Shakespeare Stout, and Santa’s Private Reserve. In one trip to Oak Tree Wine and Discount, I knocked Chipotle Ale, HazleNut Brown Nectar, Imperial Stout, Juniper Pale Ale, Oregon Golden Ale, and St. Rogue Red Ale off my list. On a trip to The Party Source in Covington, KY, I found the Imperial IPA. Just about the only beer of theirs that I can’t stand is Dead Guy Ale, and that’s the one seemingly ever beer store carries. I still need to try Mocha Porter, I think. I can’t remember drinking that one, but I see it everywhere. I might still have a bottle of Dad’s Little Helper Malt Liquor in my bedroom in New Jersey.
06) Goose Island Beer Company – Jet took me to the Goose Island brewery near Wrigley Field during my sister’s graduation from Northwestern. At The Party Source, I stocked up on countless Goose Island beers. The Gingerman in Manhattan always has one or two on tap. It’s an incredible microbrewery with a wide variety of styles, all of which are — at the very worst — good, drinkable beers. Bourbon County Stout, Oatmeal Stout, Blonde Ale, and 1800 Demolition Ale are mostly great. Honkers Ale, which is fairly accessible, is a solid offering from the Chicago beer company.
05) Avery Brewing Company – Boulder, Colorado is a place I have to visit. A family friend owns a hamburger stand that supposedly sells the best burgers in the city. There are an infinite number of fine-lookin’ girls at the University. Oh yeah, and Avery Brewing Company is located there. At the Extreme Beer Fest in Boston, they were the 2nd best microbrewery featured. The Reverend, The Kaiser, The Czar. That’s all you need to know. You are not worthy. Should your palate require something less intense, please feel free to try Old Jubilation Ale, Out Of Bounds Stout, 14’er ESB, or Ellie’s Brown Ale, all of which I’ve tried and vouch for.
04) Dogfish Head Brewery – Craft brewed ales from Delaware. The president of the company went to Muhlenberg College, just like me! Like I stated before, I’ve tried a lot of Dogfish beers. Most of them are really good. ApriHop and Punkin Ale are good for lightweights. For those who really want to send their taste buds on an intergalactic trip, try Burton Baton, Chicory Stout, 60, 90, or 120 Minute IPA (21% ABV!), Indian Brown Ale, Raison D’Etre, Shelter Pale Ale, or World Wide Stout (666 Calories! 21-23% ABV!). Sadly, Festina Lente has been retired. I’m pretty damn sure Fort (18% ABV!) is on its way to retirement as well, but I still have three bottles left. I also have a 40 oz. bottle of Liquor de Malt.
03) Port Brewing / Lost Abbey – Port Brewing includes the Pizza Port beers, so there is no way that I am going to rank them anything lower than #3 on this list, even if I’ve never tried a Lost Abbey beer. I can’t even begin to imagine how many Pizza Port brews I’ve tried, but I have to tell you…if you ever find yourself in Port San Clemente, Carlsbad, or Solana Beach, you must eat and drink at a Pizza Port brewery. The atmosphere can be a bit college-y at times, but I’m pretty sure you won’t find better beers in the entire state of California. Oh…wait…
02) AleSmith Brewing Company – San Diego is high on my list of places to visit in the near future, and that is entirely due to the fact that the AleSmith brewery is located on Cabot Drive. Nautical Nut Brown Ale is the best Brown Ale I have ever tasted. Anvil ESB will sour you in the best way possible. Their IPA is one of the tastiest I’ve encountered, and I normally don’t like IPAs. If you want the best, go for Speedway Stout, Rate Beer’s 11th ranked beer in the world. AleSmith makes me excited about getting drunk. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
01) Bells Brewery – If you live in the Kalamazoo, Michigan area, consider yourself lucky. I’m not fucking kidding. Just thinking about Bells makes my dick go hard. Perhaps four the the best beers I have ever tasted arrived at my palate after departing from this microbrewery. Bells is a stout-lovers paradise. Cherry Stout is fucking phenomenal, and it’s my least favorite of their beers. Double Cream Stout has the most wonderful, roasted, chocolate cream taste, and it’s my third favorite Bells beer. Kalamazoo Stout is black as night. Excellently creamy, with hints of chocolate and coffee perfectly blended with a hint of bitterness at the very back end. It’s my second favorite stout in the world. Expedition Stout. Black as tar. Burnt orange head. Heavily coffee-infused, loads of chocolate, super-creamy, silky, and magnificent. The best beer I have ever tasted. I long for more. I cannot wait until the next time I can consume it. Fuckin’ Bells. Best brewery in the country.
What say you, readers? I know a lot of you are huge beer nerds. Let me know what you think!
