Hello blog-o-sphere denizens. This is your captain speaking. Boy do I have a surprise for you today…a mix tape curated by Swan Fungus reader Sam! Not only was he kind enough to submit Tuesday’s horrifying tale of man-on-man love that simply was not to be, he took the time to put together a rousing success of a mix tape. I’ve listened to it twice already, and I’m really digging it. I think it’s something about the combination of good old fashioned country with black metal…I can’t quite describe it. Sam was even nice enough to conjure up an original theme (completely different from any theme I ever used for my mix tapes) and contribute a few words about each track to help you locate ones you might enjoy. I highly recommend downloading the whole fucking thing.
In other news, you’ve all got eight days left to bid on two records from my collection. If you haven’t read, I’ve put some LPs up for auction on eBay. Think of your bid as a donation to the website. The best part is, if you get outbid you don’t have to actually make the donation! I mean, I’d truly appreciate any donations, but they don’t necessarily have to be monetary. You can make your own mix tape or top ten list and I’ll post it. Just make sure the topic has not been covered, and double check to see that no artists associated with blacklisted record labels are included in your mix tapes!
Without further ado…
13 Songs That Would Rape You If They Had A Penis
(Compiled by reader Sam)
01) Alice Cooper – “Desperado” – Alice Cooper would rape you with the head of a boa constrictor if you let him near your hole. (buy this album)
02) Amesoeurs – “Faiblesse des Seins” – Sexy sensitive post-black metal from France. Maybe they wouldn’t rape you but they’d write about it in their blog [What’s that supposed to mean? – Ed.]
03) Buck Owens – “Under Your Spell Again” – No doubt about it, Buck would have had his way with you whether you wanted it or not. (buy this album)
04) Burzum – “Det Som En Gang Var” – Transcends rape and enters the wonderful world of lustmord. Delightful. (buy this album)
05) Cop Shoot Cop – “Room 429” – At some point in the ’90s I’m sure at least one of the members of CSC committed a sex crime. Just theorizing. (buy this album)
06) Emperor – “I Am the Black Wizards” – None of the members of Emperor were ever convicted of rape, just church arson and murder. (buy this album)
07) George Jones – “He Stopped Loving Her Today” – George Jones: King of rape. That’s all. (buy this album)
08) Glen Campbell – “Wichita Lineman” – Who fucking knows what this song is about. Could be describing a sexual predator for all I know. I like the song a lot thought. (buy this album)
09) Mercyful Fate – “Evil” – Rape via eye socket (see: skullfucked). (buy this album)
10) Nifelheim – “Gates Of Damnation” – They say Satan’s member is icy cold to the touch. I’m sure Nifelheim are fine with that. (buy this album)
11) Webb Pierce – “There Stands The Glass” – No doubt about it, Webb probably Fatty Arbuckle’d a broad or two in his day. (buy this album)
12) Piledriver – “Protest and Resistance” – The Japanese invented tentacle rape pron. And this song is awesome. (buy this album)
13) Zeni Geva – “Autobody” – File under: I was gang raped by a bullet train full of horny Japanese businessmen. [You forgot to mention Steve Albini! – Ed.] (buy this album)
