Hello friends. Are you excited about the Mets/Yankees series this weekend? There is a distinct possibility that I will tear my flesh off if I can’t find a television in time to catch these games. Or, I might grudgingly sign up for the MLB.tv package. Does anyone use this? Is it worth it?
Tonight is the opening of the Bottling Smoke exhibition at Echo Curio, whose gallery will spend the next week celebrating the “hidden music industry” that is the CD-r market. The exhibit will include the cover designs for all the Digitalis Industry releases, and next weekend there will be live performances and DJ sets.
You have no idea how excited I am for this exhibit. I have several items from the Digitalis/Foxglove catalogs (Uton, Zelienople, Tom Carter, Ben Reynolds, With Throats As Fine As Needles, James Blackshaw, Ghosting, Ville Moskitto, to name them all), so I am looking forward to learning more about the “industry” and perhaps meet some of the people involved with the labels. Next weekend is going to be insane, as I will get to take in performances by The Alps, The North Sea, Xela, Ghosting, Starving Weirdos, Tarentel, The Holy See, and White Rainbow. It should be a mind blowing week. If you live in the LA area, you must attend!
Speaking of demands, here’s another demand I’d like to make of you people. Stop speaking like a bunch of apes. Have you seen the motion picture Idiocracy? You’re killing our beautiful language with your made up words and poor usage. I’ll tell you what, while you can never dream of being as smart and with-it as I am, I’m going to give you a lesson in what words not to say the next time you and I are engaged in conversation. How’s that sound? Good!
TOP TEN DESPICABLE WORDS
10) “Utilize” – The word is “use.” It works just fine. It doesn’t need an identical synonym when it can be substituted in any situation one could possibly find for using the word “utilize.”
09) “Rubric” – The word is “outline.” See above. Everyone knows what the word “outline” means, you don’t have to use smarty-pants words all the time just to prove your worth.
08) “Behest” – What is this, the Middle Ages? At the behest Lord Fontleroy I will attend dinner and entertainment at his manor? Oh, I think not, sir!
07) “Guestimate” – When I hear this word, I actually don’t hear the literal word being spoken, I hear the sound of nails dragging along a chalkboard. I’d like to find the first person to slip this word into conversation, or the first screenwriter who slipped it into a television program or movie, and beat the shit out of them.
06) Literally – David Cross had a joke about this word, which is spot on. Listen to it, okay? LITERALLY
05) “Epicenter” – Most people don’t understand that the word’s actual definition refers to the point directly above the focus of an earthquake. They just use it as another word for “center,” which is mind-blowingly stupid. Have you ever stopped to think about how idiotic the people you talk to on an everyday basis are?
04) “Lifestyle” – Why are they called “lifestyle” magazines? Why do newspapers have “lifestyle” sections? What exactly is the difference between a “lifestyle” choice and a “life” choice? It’s not enough to use the word “life” in the context of speaking about the ways in which we live? You have to be annoying and use a stupid word to slightly alter your point? To highlight how retarded this word is, I direct you to the Metallica song…I don’t know the name of it. The one from the documentary that goes, “My lifestyle determines my deathstyle.” That should be enough to convince you of “lifestyle”‘s uselessness.
03) “Proactive – See “Epicenter,” but even more inane. I’ll never forget the first time my parents told me to, “be more proactive about finding a job” when I was in high school. Apparently it was not enough to just actively search for employment, I had to really take control of the situation, not just take control of the situation. Fuck people who use this word. Fuck them in their mouths.
02) “Irony”/”Ironic” – It’s not the fact that I hate this word, it’s the misuse of the word (or, should I say mis-utilization of the word). Whereas we used to hear “irony” defined in terms of its role as a literary device (“the use of words expressing something other than their literal intention” – thanks Futurama!), its undergone a paradigm shift where “irony” in the modern lexicon is nothing more than a synonym for sarcasm. “Oh, I love those ‘Ghostbusters’ earings.” Ugh.
01) “Zeitgeist” – I don’t think I hate this word as much as I hate the people who speak it, because it’s never uttered by anyone you know. It’s reserved solely for upper-crust types and talking heads, who need to flaunt their proprietary language in front of us plebeians. It’s very commonly used among the ‘Boomers, which might be what’s really fueling my hatred for “zeitgeist.” Whenever something new and exciting is happening culturally, they have to put it down by saying it captures the zeitgeist of the ’60s. Quit living in the past, assholes!
