“Claire Da-ay-anes”
Sorry, but the website I’ve been praising for the past few weeks is now hosting the first two seasons of Sifl & Olly, so that’s what I’ve been watching for the last hour or so. You know, just a typical Saturday afternoon…
Ian came over last night with a six-pack of Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale and a South Park DVD set, so we watched a bunch of the commentaries and parts of various episodes from whatever season it was. Most of the creators’ insights revolved around their inability to think up new show ideas. And yet, in the AWESOM-O episode, Cartman sits down with a bunch of Hollywood producers and rambles off a series of classic bad movie ideas, each one of which is greeted with great enthusiasm by the entirely-out-of-touch producers. It made me want to think up a few awful spur-of-the-moment movie pitches. So, here goes nothing. I’m not going to hit the delete key, and we’ll see what happens.
– Ben Stiller is an aging self-conscious cartoonist whose friends post a series of personal ads online to find him dates. After continued failures, he finally meets a girl who tries to “draw” him out of his shell. The movie is called (of course), “Drawn Together”.
– Tim Allen is a middle-class family man, until his failed-inventor neighbor accidentally contaminates his drink one night, transforming him into a racecar. The movie’s called, “Daytona Dad”.
– Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves are strangers vacationing in South America who are brought together when they are the sole survivors of a sightseeing plane crash. Oh yeah, and the crash occurs in the war-torn jungle region of whatever country is currently or has recently been pitched in warlord vs. government battles. The movie is called, “Caught In the Crossfire”.
– A cannibalistic serial killer is loose on the streets of an unnamed metropolis, leaving the police to “chew over” his meticulously-crafted crime scenes. When a local politician and his son are reported missing, a once-famed now-retired Negro investigator (Will Smith? Denzel?) and his young Caucasian female apprentice (Jennifer Garner? Hillary Swank?) race against the clock (and political pressure) to piece together clues and track down the cannibal before his next feeding. Movie title, “Tooth”.
– Luke and Owen Wilson are twin brothers who work otherwise boring office jobs, until a new hire (Claire Danes!?) becomes the object of their affection. A series of hijinks and misfortunes threatens both their sex lives and friendship as they each attempt to court the same girl. The movie’s called, “Bosom Brothers”.
– A bunch of under-aged and over-sexed college kids determined to pull off the kegger of a lifetime race from house to house with their roving throng of partygoers while attempting to evade the ever-vigilant campus police. Use a bunch of no-name actors. The title is, “Party School,” “Party U.” or “Party Town” or something.
