Never one to overstate my importance to the human race, allow me–if you will–to prognosticate on future cultural trends that will undoubtedly come to pass. Many scoffed at me that time I predicted right here in this very space the return of the cowboy look as a fashion statement, and sure enough, my suggestion turned out to be a harbinger of couture. Need I mention the fact that I am also a patriarch of a now trendy sociological belief that the Internet is dumbing down society? How many times in the past few months have you read in reputable publications successful (and more credible) writers discuss the ills of modern communication? What about the time I boldly stated that MySpace was negatively altering the socialization process? The byproducts of that one can still be seen in the large number of people acting anti-social all the time and the redefinition of “courtship,” into a complete freakshow where people actually meet–and fall in love–on the web. It’s just wrong!
Keeping that in mind, I came to the conclusion this morning while talking to my dear friend Rachel Kent (well, she noticed it, I just put it into words, because she’s a girl and thus incapable of doing so without getting her period and bleeding all over the place or crying and calling one of her friends a slut) that I have discovered the next hip retro trend. I declare today, on this Thursday in June, that the era of Brit-Pop nostalgia is nigh! I’m not talking about bullshit like the club scene and DJs spinning Depeche Mode, I’m talking about full-on VHS specials about the 100 Most British Moments and documentaries about the Blur/Oasis feud. My recent (and by recent I mean the last twenty-four hours) re-introduction to old Oasis albums has keyed me into the simple, undeniable fact that old Brit-Pop records are far too good to continue collecting dust on music fans’ shelves. In the next few months, you’re going to see kids in Williamsburg wearing old Manic Street Preachers, Lush and The Verve t-shirts. The Boo Radleys will reform and go on a small club tour (or are they still releasing albums?). Parklife and Modern Life is Rubbish will receive much needed two-disc expansion sets. We’ve seen the seeds for this revival in the current trend of re-hashing old hair metal bands from the ’80s–like Whitesnake and Twisted Sister–and what came after the ’80s? That’s right–the ’90s, when Supergrass’ In It For the Money and Pulp’s This is Hardcore were like, incredible testaments to British culture. Even a band like Ash will probably wise up, ditch the femme guitarist, and go back to the formula that made 1977 and Trailer sooooo fuuuucking goooood.
And everyone will bang a lot of heroin and revere “Trainspotting” and read Irvine Welsch at their local coffee shop. Then it’ll get old and start to suck again. And thus, the cycle is complete.
PS: If Rachel Elyachar is reading this for some reason, I want that old Oasis tour shirt I gave you in 1997 back. You know the one, it was blue and faded and vintage looking? I’m going to need it to fit in or else I won’t be let into any of the cool bars.
