I went to Princeton Record Exchange today. Sold some compact discs and bought some not-so-new ones as well as some records. Oh, and I got that Can 2 DVD + 1 CD box for $29.99 which is going to blow my mind from now until forever.
THE TOP TEN GUITAR ALBUMS OF ALL TIME
(As described by a writer with zero guitar vocabulary)
10) Dead Meadow Shivering King and Others – They’ve got these heavy riffs that bore their way into your head and sound huge all the time. They took a page out of Sabbath’s and Zeppelin’s books and cranked ’em up louder and made ’em even dirtier. They make this big, wide open “brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” meets a “wooooooooooooooooh” sound that totally gives you a headache if it’s on too long. A good headache. In fact, it demands that the word “headache” be replaced by something more accurate, like “headbliss!”
9) Prince Purple Rain – Although I never admit to owning this record in public, I’ve got it. On purple vinyl too! Prince has been called an “underrated guitarist” often enough that he’s probably not that underrated anymore. He IS, still, under five-and-a-half feet tall.
8) The Stooges Raw Power – I think Funhouse is a better album, but James Williams’ guitar skills dwarfed those of Ron Asheton. Asheton, as it is well documented, got shoved over to the bass guitar on this album, and only occasionally picked up an axe to lay down a second guitar line.
7) The Jesus Lizard Goat – Duane Dennison’s guitar isn’t what made the band, it was the rhythm section of Sims and McNeilly (sounds more like a law firm to me!), but oh man… that “Mouth Breather” riff is stunning. The whole thing is so loud it shakes you from the inside. Then Mr. Dennison works his twangy skronk on “Karpis” and you’re all, “Awww, this boy’s got the skills to pay the bills, ifyouknowwhatimean?”
6) Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II – This would probably be #1 on any normal guitar player’s list, definitely higher than some of the ones that I ranked above it, but that’s why this is my list. If you don’t like it you can go make your own and post it on a blog you update daily for no one to read. It’s not like anyone reads this. But, yeah, Zeppelin, man… Does one really need to say much more than “Jimmy Page.” Namely, the tunes “Whole Lotta Love” and “The Lemon Song.” Those are the ones that stick out, for me. It’s very heavy. Jimmy Page, man.
5) Sonic Youth Daydream Nation – This entry comes courtesy of a friend, who recommended it as an entry on the list. There had to be a Sonic Youth record on the list because they basically invented the electric guitar, right? I mean, there was the lute… and then Thurston Moore and Lee Ranaldo were in a basement playing Dungeons and Dragons when all of a sudden the idea hit them. “Hey, let’s tune the strings to weird thirds and fifths and in between notes and make it go all “BWING!” “SKAAAANKG” “ZZZEEEEROOMM!”
4) Television Marquee Moon – I’m typing on a keyboard that is slowly dying, so if any of these words are missing crucial vowels or consonants, please let me know. Sometimes I tap a key and I am rewarded with nothing for my effort. Richard Lloyd is a genius, and this album is absolutely the very definition of a “guitar record.” A lot of folks say that before Marquee Moon guitarists were just wailing on blues riffs, but these guys did the garage rock three-chord shuffle like you wouldn’t believe, and subtly influenced BILLIONS of people. Go listen to the title track. Epic. Then go over to 30th Street Guitars in the city, they’ve got Lloyd’s Echoplex on sale there. I know it’s his because it’s got a little index card next to it that says “Belonged to Lloyd of Television” and on the case itself there’s a piece of electrical tape that has “LLOYD” written on it.
3) Jimi Hendrix Are You Experienced? – No, but thanks for asking! Here’s what I do know: Every single song on here is a killer. It’s probably the best debut album from any musician in the history of recorded sound (hmm, I sense next week’s top ten theme). Jimi changed the way people played the electric guitar. Before him the only way to play a guitar was with a baseball mitt. He was the first person to use his bare hands. Imagine how many kids today wouldn’t own a Dunlop Cry-Baby wah pedal if it wasn’t for this record. He was into note bending to make things go like “VRROOOOOM” and “SKEEEEEEEWWW” like an old Ford trying to accelerate up a hillside.
2) Polvo Today’s Active Lifestyles – The opening track on Exploded Drawing is probably better because it’s got that awesome, “weeew nooo SKING neeeeewdanananana (pause) SKING BWOOP” part. The opening track on this one, “Thermal Treasure,” is more like “da da da WEEEOOOW” and then it gets all “thug thugga chug chugga” before shooting off into left field. I just love the way Ash Bowie can constantly stop on a dime and then totally change a song’s entire purpose with his quirky guitar skills. Speaking of which, I think Ash Bowie is hands down the greatest name in the history of rock music. Ever since Polvo was introduced to me, I’ve been dreaming of the day I can buy a pet and name it Ash Bowie, or buy two pets, and call one Ash and one Bowie!
1) My Bloody Valentine Isn’t Anything – Sure, Loveless is the one that hipster kids worldwide cite as their favorite record breathlessly to their dates right before they get told, “I think we should just be friends…” but let’s be honest. This one set the table, and some of the guitar parts are (gasp!) better and more imaginative. Blasphemy, I know. “You Never Should” is insane. The tremolo. THE TREMOLO. It’s all screaming “neeeeeeeewah wah wah wha wah” in your ear. It’s bleating like a dying lamb and I love it. Number one. je ‘taime! il mio amore! salut!
