At Birds. Where I drink quite often these days. I sit down and order a drink. Thesy remarks, “Dude, you look really good. You’re glowing!” Uh…really? Are you sure I’m not just greasy?
I guess people have noticed a change.
We have this regular customer at the store who likes to say the dirtiest, most-sexually explicit, suggestive shit imaginable. An old gay man, pot-bellied and bald, whose barbs are often directed at me. I’ve heard from co-workers that years ago he made people cry with his comments. He’s not above calling attention to your weight or looks, but mostly he aims to construct the foulest sexual remarks possible. And he’s been trying to get under my skin for years, to make me blush or or stutter or freak out as a result of his gross advances. The guy never breaks character.
Today when I saw he was in the store I approached him and remarked how I hadn’t seen him in a while. He stepped back and looked me over for a minute or two before snidely stating in his deep, gravelly lisp, “You look masculine today. You don’t look like a little bitch. What changed?” So I said, “A lot. And I’m single now, so if you’re ready to follow through on all the shit you’ve said to me in the past let me know. Take me out. I’m available.” And with that I started to scrawl my phone number down on a Post-It note. When I handed it to him and told him when my next day off was, he just stood there, unblinking, confused. And you know what? This guy — who has been harassing me for years, who has made some of the grossest comments imaginable — totally shied away. He turned beet read, crumbled up the Post-It and walked away.
Twenty minutes later he came over to me and asked if I was serious. I said, “About what?” and he said “Your girlfriend.” so I said yeah, and the guy finally broke character for the first time in four years. He told me to stay positive and I said I was. Then he asked if I needed someone to talk to, and offered me his number. I thanked him and told him I had a really strong support system. He smiled and started to walk towards the door, but not before looking back over his shoulder and saying, “If I let you fuck me in the ass are you going to tell your co-workers?” I said, “Maybe.” And he replied, “Keep it a secret and I’ll suck your cock better than any girlfriend you’ve ever had.” And with that, he turned and sashayed out the door.
I kind of love that guy.
Sunday Mix Tape – Number 215
Kill Them All
01. Guided By Voices – Teenage FBI – I’m not a huge GBV fan (why does each album have to have like, 80 tracks? All the songs are so short they give me a headache. And of all the GBV albums I know, I think this one is my least favorite. Rick Ocasek produced it. Not that that’s a bad thing, he produced the first Weezer album. Anyway, I like this song. You should too. (buy this album)
02. Danielson – This Day Is A Loaf – I never really understood why Daniel Smith had to have all these different name variants for his recorded output. The Danileson Famile, Br. Danielson, Danielson…it’s pretty much always the same cast of characters. Just because his songwriting has matured doesn’t mean he needs to literally redefine himself with each successive album. I like the new one a lot. Not as much as Fetch The Compass Kids or Tell Another Joke… but it’s solid from start to finish. (buy this album)
03. Vashti Bunyan – Swallow Song – (buy this album)
04. Art Zoyd – Something In Love (Opaline, 1971)
05. T. Rex – Telegram Sam – (buy this album)
06. Harry Nilsson – Morning Glory Story – The more I listen to Nilsson the more my respect for him grows. One of my co-workers used to play Lifeline all the time and my boss and I would remark how every song on the compilation sounded like “Me And My Arrow”. He wrote some downright amazing songs. This is one of ’em. (buy this album)
07. Harald Grosskopf – So Weit So Gut – Ian saw Harald live with Emeralds and ARP a few weeks ago (right? I think?) and told me I needed to hear Synthesist. It’s a bit New Age-y for my liking but there are parts of it I really like. I’m pretty sure the CD is out-of-print and I don’t know if there has been a vinyl repress recently, so this is definitely a candidate for an upcoming Treasures From The Collectors’ Slum. Let me know if you want to hear the rest of it. (buy this album)
08. Encomiast – Somnebula (Mystery Sea, 2004)
09. Boss Hog – Gerard – (buy this album)
10. Grand Funk Railroad – Mean Mistreater – I used to always laugh when people told me this band was good. That all changed when a customer shoved a copy of Grand Funk (the first one, with the red cover) in my face and told me that I needed to actually listen to the music before I laughed it off (are you noticing a trend here, where people tell me to listen to something I’ve laughed off and then it turns out I like it?). Sold. This one is off Closer To Home, it’s probably the best song on the album. Either this or the last track. (buy this album)
11. Bronze – B – I don’t know anything about this other than an acquaintance put it on a mix CD for me and it’s really cool. Help?
12. Sleep Chamber – Flesh On Flesh – From the 1986 cassette tape of same name. Great industrial, experimental post-punk. You’ll dig it.
13. Elvis Costello – Party Girl – (buy this album)
14. Tyler, The Creator (feat. Hodgy Beats) – Sandwitches – Goblin is released officially tomorrow. I think the double-vinyl set on XL might be the first “New Release” I’ve purchased in years. I don’t count shit I get through mail order as new releases. I mean I’ll actually walk into a record store that carries new releases and pick this up. It’s that good. I say that even though I still know nothing about rap music. (buy this album)
15. Merle Haggard – The Bottle Let Me Down – What’s an Evan-curated mix tape without a country song about alcohol and all the wonderful trouble it gets us into? Wait a minute…I never listen to country music. Eh, I’ll make an exception this week. (buy this album)
