But first, I have to review this week’s news!
Hmm…I see…yes, well, that’s very interesting … Oh, I didn’t know that was still happening … You mean they haven’t cured it yet? … I have a difficult time believing his review … WHy would anybody go see that movie? … Who owns stock these days? … Isn’t science just the most fascinating … He’s dating her? … I didn’t know that piss-poor country even had a president! …
Oh shit. I was holding it upside down!
• When I was in the sixth grade, I made a new best friend. His name was Dan, and I thought he was both funny and cool. He called his mom “moochie,” which I thought was hilarious. I decided that I would start calling my own mom by a nickname, and I decided I would call her “toots”. That’s toots as in, “Ey, come over here, toots”, not “the tiny train toots its horn”. Now everybody has nicknames for their parents. At least, that’s what Boston.com says. Kids these days all call their parents by nicknames like, “big Anne”, “P-money” and “G-dog”. The most inventive I ever got with a nickname was when I nicknamed my father “cheap Jew bastard.” Just kidding, he still sends me money sometimes if I’m in a pinch. In fact, I love both my parents very much. Even though they conspired to string me along for the first sixteen years of my life, constantly nurturing me and promising me that their fights were “normal”, that they were working through some problems, and that they would never, ever get a divorce. Then they got a divorce. Thanks a lot, toots and cheap Jew bastard! [story]
• A recent survey indicates that the world’s top 10 intellectuals are Muslims. Oh yeah? Well, if they’re so smart, how come they got caught doing 9/11? Hmm? [story]
• This year’s “World’s Ugliest Dog” winner is a pedigree Chinese crested dog, which has three legs, one eye, and no hair. Sounds adorable. Gosh, I just want to put him up to my face and blow farts on his belly and rub my nose into his nose like doting dog owners so often do to their own mangy piece of shit pets. When are people going to realize that having a pet is a byproduct of vanity? Owning a pet is all about quelling our desire to feel needed at all times. And people as a whole are so dense they don’t realize that those smelly little fuckers don’t “love” you, not in their wildest dreams. A dog or a cat will just wag its tales because it wants food or it wants to take a shit. End of story. [story]
• You have most likely seen this by now, but i case you haven’t, here is the list of the nine most racist Disney characters. And I had no idea that all these films I enjoyed as a young boy were so filled with outdated stereotypes and somewhat offensive character-types or dialog. I never put it together that the crab in The Little Mermaid was supposed to be a lazy Jamaican, or that the Native Americas in Peter Pan tell children that Indians say “how” because of their thirst for knowledge, and that their skin is red because one time an Indian blushed red when he kissed a girl. It’s quite an amazing list. Some of the video links have been removed at the request of Disney, but most still work. [story]
• CNN refuses to lower the bar. Their standards for patently ridiculous “news items” are so high, I cannot fathom their possibly outdoing themselves each time I read a fresh, new article. This week, the most absurd story I read was about how to properly apologize for something. Are you fucking serious? Who do you think reads CNN’s website on the Internet, anyway — four year old kids who have a thirst for world news, but aren’t sure how to handle awkward social situations where they must take responsibility for some obtuse transgression? No, CNN’s online news media has an audience consisting of mostly older, politically-informed readers. I’m pretty sure most of those people know how to say, “sorry,” or at the very (and I mean very because this phrase really annoys me) “my bad”. I don’t think anybody out there really needs a walkthrough for how to properly apologize. That’s the kind of thing where, if you haven’t learned it by the age of 20, you’re probably retarded and have just been misdiagnosed your entire life of being lazy, stupid, or apathetic. Boy, won’t your parents (G-Dog and J-Pops) be embarrassed. [story]
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By the way, can anybody tell me what a “mux tape” is? I keep seeing that phrase referenced all over the Internet, be it on online forums or websites. A quick Google search for “what is a mux tape” responded only with two pages, and the correction “did you mean ‘what is a mix tape’?” Add “mux tapes” to the growing list of new Internet nomenclature that I simply do not understand, right below “Twitter”, whatever-the-fuck that is. God, I miss the weekly mix tapes. It’s always fun trying to find songs by polar opposites like Miles Davis and Oxbow that actually fit together somehow. I know, that’s sort of gay, but whatever. Even though I killed the Sunday Mix Tape in an unconscious attempt to sabotage my web traffic, I still love and miss it.
01. Will Oldham – The Risen Lord – (buy this album)
02. The Zombies – Woman – (buy this album)
03. Antibalas – Hilo – (buy this album)
04. Bastro – Decent Skin – (buy this album)
05. Fushitsusha – Just As I Told You
06. Blind Willie McTell – Savannah Mama – (buy this album)
07. Sun Ra – Drop Me Off In Harlem – (buy this album)
08. Polvo – Time Isn’t On My Side – (buy this album)
09. Superdrag – Bankrupt Vibration – (buy this album)
10. This Heat – Slither – (buy this album)
11. Virgin Prunes – Down The Memory Lane
12. Townes Van Zandt – No Lonesome Tune – (buy this album)
13. Miles Davis – Dolores – (buy this album)
14. Oxbow – Lucky
15. Low – Way Behind – (buy this album)
16. Terry Riley – G Song
17. Lift To Experience – Falling From Cloud 9 – (buy this album)
18. Lee “Scratch” Perry & The Upsetters – Super Ape – (buy this album)
19. Soft Circle – Moon Oar Sunrise – (buy this album)
20. Charlie Feathers – I’ve Been Deceived
21. Calexico – The Road Back
22. Jasper TX – Home
23. A Silver Mt. Zion – American Motor Over Smoldered Field – (buy this album)
24. 5ive – Bicycle Rider
