Blur Hawaii – Part One

My flight to Oahu departed at about 8 am PDT, and landed in Oahu shortly after 11 am. As is customary (I guess?) why flying to Hawaii, I was offered a Mai Tai before take-off. Had I known at the time how many Mai Tais I would drink over the course of the next six nights, I probably would have passed on this one. God, I kind of hate Mai Tais now. If you told me right now I can never have another one, I don’t think I would miss it.

My first stop after checking into my hotel was — what I imagine is — the main drag off Waikiki Beach, Kalakaua Avenue. 88 Tees is a store that I wanted to visit simply because it appeared in one season of one of the greatest reality TV shows of all time, Terrace House: Aloha State. If you don’t know what that is, I’ll sit here and wait for you to binge the whole thing. Then you can come back and tell me, “Cool” and I’ll keep going.

I got a text informing me that two of the guys from the bachelor party were hanging around and looking for food/drinks, so I met them for a Mai Tai or two on the beach. From there it was back to the hotel to put on shorts (I was still dressed in my early morning LA flight clothes) and then I walked back to the “strip,” where I met my co-Best Man for some beers at the Waikiki location of Maui Brewing Company.

As you can tell from this photo, my day did not end with the two Mai Tais at lunch. My evening plans started with a 6:30 pm reservation at Mai Tai Bar at the Royal Hawaiian with whoever else was already in town for the wedding, bride- and groom-to-be included. Another two or three Mai Tais later and I was starting to hate myself.

At least the view was good while I was hating myself.

The last stop of the night was SKY, a rooftop bar overlooking the city. I only had a beer here, and my night was over as soon as the glass first touched my lips. I retired to my room (about a mile away) feeling like death. It was a long day, and I had soaked up a lot of sun and booze.

Day 2 started with a breakfast of malasadas and iced coffee from Leonard’s, a legendary location for malasadas in Honolulu. About a week before I left LA, someone told me that I should take every opportunity to eat malasadas, so I did. They were described to me as “The Dom Pérignon of fried dough,” and Leonard’s definitely fits that description. Heavenly.

A morning hike to a waterfall in the middle of the jungle helped me sweat out my hangover. Manoa Falls was an incredible first experience to have with the natural flora and fauna of the island. There’s a pool of water at the base of the falls, but you’re warned not to swim in it. Apparently rats and mice carry some bacteria that causes horrible flu like symptoms, and they piss and shit in the pool and then humans contract it. So…not for me.

My next stop was Hanauma Bay, perhaps the best-known spot for snorkeling on the island. Did I stop to go snorkeling? Of course not! That was for another day. Instead, I snapped a couple photos and moved on. There was still much to see on this supposedly tiny island.

I kept thinking the little birds resting on these rocks were going to be swept out to see by the crashing waves, but they always darted out of the way at just the last second. I could have stayed and watched them for hours, but I soon realized that I was only there because my OCD would not allow me to tear myself away from the little birds.

Apparently this beach, or one near it, was where they filmed the LOST scenes with the castaways on the beach camp, but I spent my time in Haleiwa watching a sad dude on the water floating along on his board.

Watching surfers on the north shore was one of the only tasks I knew I had to complete before I actually started driving around the island. I can’t surf, and I don’t really have any interest in learning, but I respect the hell out of those who do. The waves weren’t crazy on this day, but a wave is a wave whether it’s 1′ or 6′ so it’s all the same to me. This guy was pretty good. 

My buddy Jason said that as long as I was on Oahu, I must visit Inu Island Ales. Shockingly, I hadn’t heard of them. Before heading to the estate where I would be staying for the duration of my trip, I grabbed crowlers of every beer they had to offer. Over the course of the next several nights, I consumed them…mostly by myself. I thought each one was outstanding. There were two “hazy” IPAs, a pilsner, and a guava/sea salt gose. Seriously, I cannot overstate how impressed I was. If you find yourself on Oahu, definitely track this place down and enjoy.

Shortly before nightfall, I found my way to the estate where the wedding party was staying. Before I even had time to put my bags down I was invited to watch the sunset at a place called Sunset Beach. It seemed like a no-brainer to me. Sadly, this was the best shot of the sunset I got that night because soon the clouds rolled in and obscured the remainder of the show. #ParadiseFail indeed!

The night ended back at the estate, getting sloppy drunk and playing a game called Frisbeer (or Beersbee, depending on who you were playing with/against). The rules are, a team of two people tries to knock an empty bottle off a PVC pipe with a frisbee while keeping a drink in your hand at all times. The other team tries to psych you out/catch the frisbee and/or falling beer bottle. I’m sure there are websites that you can find that will describe the rules better than I can. For the first few nights at the estate, this was the most popular game one could play…