We’re erudite here at Swan Fungus. They’re not “movies” they’re “films.” Sometimes if we want to sound Canadian we’ll call ’em “flicks,” but those instances are few and far between. And since I took exactly one film criticism class in college, I’m more than qualified to sit back (in my highchair, atop my high horse, on a high hill in the highest tower of the highest castle in all the land) and judge what were the best movies of the year. Also, I have no vocabulary for describing film. So bear with me. Think of this as, like, an elementary school student reviewing movies. Remember those first food reviews I wrote back in the day? The ones with highlights like, “the tastes were tasty, and the food was yummy”? Yeah, that’s what this is going to be like, only slightly worse.
The Top Ten Films Of 2013
10. Spring Breakers – I was very quick to call “bullshit” on the whole Harmony Korine fanboy “It’s the most subversive film ever!” response to SPRING BREAKERS, but I have to admit it was one of the most fun movie watching experiences I had this year. It was an eye-rolling, giggling, dumb kind of fun, which compared to most of the other movies on this list felt like a welcome respite. Seriously, though, fuck dubstep. That shit’s gotta go.
09. Computer Chess – Not gonna say it. Not gonna use that word. You know, the one that describes Bujalski’s (and the Duplass Brothers, et. al.) oeuvre. I hate that word. I hate that genre. Which is why I was so happy to see how COMPUTER CHESS evolved over the course of its story. Bursting with innovative ideas and some really avant-garde techniques, it was one of the happiest surprises I had this year.
08. Ain’t Them Bodies Saints – Yeah, I know. Malick fanboys blah blah blah, but you have to admit this was still a beautiful film! It might not have resonated with me as much as that other one everyone else seemed to think smacked of Malick-ness (see: #1 on this list) but so what? Wouldn’t you rather spend your money on a poetic and visually stunning film like AIN’T THEM BODIES SAINTS than some stupid, sloppily-made ’70s nostalgia crap like AMERICAN HUSTLE? I know I would. Wanna know why? Two words: Steely Dan.
07. Fruitvale Station – Gosh, Michael B. Jordan sure has grown up since he played Wallace on THE WIRE. I saw this movie on a date and afterwards I lost my car in the parking garage. But after THAT, I got home and I chuckled and thought to myself, “That had to be the most depressing movie dates ever!” because, yeah, the story sucks and is a real downer. It reminded me of the time I saw SAVING PRIVATE RYAN with my aunt and uncle and no one spoke on the car ride home. Awkward! But Michael B. Jordan gave a hell of a performance, and should be rewarded as such.
06. The Conjuring – While I was searching my useless memory bank for movies I saw this year, one of the best was YOU’RE NEXT, which I then found out was originally made in 2011. Disqualified! Enter THE CONJURING, which was the second best horror movie I saw this year, good enough to warrant a re-watch (!!!) and a high ranking on this list. Why? Because it wasn’t one of those American-made goofy torture-porn flicks that so terribly want to be as good as their foreign peers, and it didn’t rely on ridiculous shock/scare tactics. Decent story, solid old school scares, well-acted, what more do you want? A chick cutting out a baby from a pregnant woman with a pair of scissors? IN MY DREAMS!!!
05. Gravity – Let’s get this out of the way first: the story sucked. I get the woman versus nature, woman versus herself, high-energy struggle to survive stuff, but honestly the story wasn’t that good. That said, the visuals and the sound design were quite likely the best I’ve ever seen. I hate — I fucking hate — 3D, but I can’t imagine seeing GRAVITY without it. And that Dolby Atmos sound? Jaw dropping.
04. All Is Lost – Much like Sandra Bullock in GRAVITY, Robert Redford was tasked with doing everything himself in ALL IS LOST. That was kind of cool, actually, that two big movies this year featured pretty much one actor (GRAVITY had Clooney for a bit) who had to do all the heavy lifting. And, between the two, I think Redford gave the better performance. As “Our Man” he put forth an effort that I hope will garner him award considerations. And maybe a “Best Actor” nod. He was that awesome.
03. The Act Of Killing – A brutal, thought-provoking, nightmarish film unlike any documentary I’ve ever seen. How do you walk away from it feeling anything other than terrified? Where and how else are you going to get such a good look at a real life mass murderer? The psychology, the emotion, the idea that hindsight might enrich a mind that at one time had no qualms about strangling roughly 1,000 people during a year in which almost half a million people were exterminated…and then the result of looking back at those actions in the hopes he might realize what he’s done. Jesus Christ. So powerful, so awesome, so disturbing.
02. Room 237 – As a scientific skeptic, I felt like I had to see this movie. Because i love listening to Art Bell, and love reading news stories about ETH and psychic powers, then laughing at and mocking them. Multiply that times a thousand and the result is my reaction to this film, which I had to watch twice because it was so totally bonkers. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but let’s just say there are some people out there who have VERY inventive approaches to Stanley Kubrick films, and I want to sit down and chat with ALL OF THEM. So good.
01. Upstream Color – Bar none the best movie of the year. I can’t believe I hadn’t heard about it before my friend Andy hipped me first to Primer and then to this. It was only after I saw it for the second time (in as many days) that I felt comfortable enough with the story to truly appreciate Shane Carruth’s immense talent. Producer, writer, director, actor, composer. He does it all. The sound design (for me) rivaled that of GRAVITY, and the score was easily my favorite of the year. That’s not even counting the story, which is beautiful, or the visual aspects of the film, which are stunning. A+. Ten fucking stars. Stop what you’re doing and go watch it.
Shane Carruth – A Young Forrest Growing Up Under Your Meadows [MP3]
