“Swan Fungus.” What’s the first word(s) that came to mind. Is it “music?” Is it “mix tape?” Is it “Manic Sociopath Dreamboy?” Or is it “lists.” If you answered the latter, you would be more right than any of us would think.
See, I’ve only compiled 342 mix tapes since starting this blog back in 2005. All but nine of those have been posted on Sunday nights as part of a recurring feature. Compare that to the amount of lists I’ve written in the same time span, 373, and suddenly those mix tapes don’t seem all that impressive. More than anything (except for album downloads, but those are just excuses for me not to have to think of an original idea to write about) this blog is about lists. It makes perfect sense, right? The list is the journalist trope most-commonly associated with laziness. What is a blog but a lazy writer’s idea of a hobby? What is a blogger if not an unemployed (or unemployable…which I am…have you READ those Adventures In Dating stories!?) journalist? Wait a minute, who am I
WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?
Ahem.
Since every other lazy journalist — both print and online — uses the month of December to pen half-assed Year-End lists, why shouldn’t I follow in their footsteps? After all, what’s lazier than taking someone else’s idea and copying it?
Sorry. I’m posing a lot of questions today.
As every other publication dedicates December blog/print space to Year-End lists, so do I. Just like last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. Why? Because once Thanksgiving dinner ends it’s the job of every writer to start expressing their opinions on the year gone by, annoying their audience with hindsight-enriched wistfulness, nostalgia for what could be considered the present day, and even some good old-fashioned navel-gazing. On each Friday this month, I’ll post a different Swan Fungus Year-End list. If you’re an old-timer you already know how this works. If you’re new here I’ll lay it out for you:
Friday December 6th, 2013: The Top Ten Top Ten Lists Of 2013
Saturday December 14th, 2013: The Top Ten Negative Reader Comments Of 2013
Friday December 20th, 2013: The Top Ten Beers Of 2013
Friday December 27th, 2013: The Top 100 Albums Of 2013
The Top Ten Beers I Consumed This Year
Did I drink a lot this year? Short answer: obviously.
Just how much did I drink? I don’t really have a way of knowing. I mean, I checked into something like 280 beers on Untappd, and that’s not counting duplicates. It also doesn’t take into account the fact that once I’m drunk I forget to continue checking in to new beers so that I can have some sort of record of what I’ve consumed. Nor does it factor in nights when I go out and drink whiskey, or wine, or rum…or rubbing alcohol…or Robitussin.
So when it comes time to determine which beers I liked the best out of all the ones I tried in 2013, my rankings must come with the caveat that there was probably a beer I liked just as much — or more — than these, but I was too drunk to remember what it was called. And I won’t remember again until I consume it in a more sober state.
Enjoy the list. Share your own. We beer snobs gotta look out for each other and hip one another to what’s good, right?
10. Heretic Shallow Grave Porter – “Shallow Grave Porter is dark as night, perfect for a cool evening out in the woods. This a big, dark ale with a complex and rich chocolate and caramel malt character followed by a touch of warmth and light malt sweetness, leaving you ready for more after each shovelful. You will love this so much you won’t have time to dig a six-footer, so make it a Shallow Grave. We’re sure you’ll dig it.”
09. Mikkeller SpontanGooseberry – I drank a lot of lambics and sours this year, and this was one of the best.
08. Weyerbacher Tiny – Lovingly consumed with Ian, his wife, his father and sister on the night before her wedding, Tiny was one of the beers I procured from Oak Tree Wine & Discount in South Plainfield on my recent trip home. It was also one of the two or three best beers I had during that trip home. Delicious! “This velvety concoction excites your senses with bottomless roasted, earthy and vinous notes.”
07. Bockor Cuvee des Jacobins Rouge – December 8th…where was I on December 8th that I tried this beer? Jesus Christ, that was like ten days ago! How come I don’t remember where I was drinking ten days ago! Gah! “The beer Cuvée des Jacobins is unblended old lambic, aged for at least 18 months in (French) oak barrels from the cognac region. These oak barrels are called ’Foeders’ in Dutch. It has a robust character but is beautiful and sophisticated with a full body and overtones of vanilla, dried cherry, stone fruit and cocoa. It is a complex, beautiful sour beer.”
06. Russian River Row 2/Hill 56 – A simcoe hop pale ale that I had back in September…somewhere. I guess it’s better than I can’t remember where I drank one night in September than ten days ago. Oh well.
05. Stone RuinTen IPA – “RUINING PALATES SINCE 2002 n June 2012, we celebrated the 10th birthday of our notoriously mega-hopped double IPA, Stone Ruination IPA, with the release of a very special version that was even bigger and, incredibly, even hoppier than the original. If Stone Ruination IPA is “A Liquid Poem to the Glory of the Hop,” then Stone Ruination Tenth Anniversary IPA was an amped-up heavy metal version of that ode delivered with the force of a sledgehammer. Luckily for us, our fans love loud and aggressive brews, specifically when copious amounts of humulus lupulus are involved…”
04. Harviestoun Ola Dubh (18 Year Old) – I was happy to find this at the Wandering Dog in Solvang. I’ve consumed the 12 and the 30 year bottles in years past, but the 18 was new to me. “Ola Dubh (or “Black Oil”) is so named because it is gloopy and viscous. This limited release has been matured in casks from Orkney’s award-winning Highland Park distillery to add complimentary whisky notes to what is already an amazing brew. It is chocolatey with a roasty, bittersweet aftertaste. Special Reserve 18, whisky notes: Highland Park 18 Year Old Single Malt Scotch Whisky was named Best Spirit in the World by F. Paul Pacult; it offers toffee sweetness, almond nuttiness and a prolonged, smoky aftertaste.”
03. Lervig Brewers Reserve Konrad Stout – I’m pretty sure this was paired with a grilled cheese sandwich at Andrew’s Cheese Shop in Santa Monica, and although I’d had most of the beers he paired at the dinner I went to, this one was both new to me and excellent. “Konrad’s Stout is a new beer in the Brewer’s Reserve range, from Lervig’s head brewer Mike Murphy. A Russian Imperial Stout brewed with oatmeal.”
02. Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA (2012 & 2013) – I’m going to award a tie to the 2012 and 2013 varietals, both of which I had on draught at Library Alehouse earlier this year during their “Study Hall” session. Yes, there were discernible difference between the two. No, I couldn’t decide which I liked more. 2012 was 18% ABV and the 2013 was something like 17.5% (I think?), but maybe the one year-aged tasted slightly more complex. One was a bit more caramel-sweet than the other, and one had stronger citrus-y hops.
01. Nøgne Ø Dark Horizon Third Edition – It might not be ranked higher than the rest according to RateBeer, but it was holy shit hell good. And strooooong, at 15.5% ABV. You’ve heard of beers that are dry-hopped, right? Well have you ever had a beer that’s been DRY-COFFEED? Probably not. It was amazing. “Best described as an imperial stout on steroids, this dark and rich brew is sweet enough to be your dessert or accompany your richest crème caramel. Due to its strength and concentrated flavor it is best shared.”
And now I’m off to dinner, where I” be drinking red wine.
Sigh.
Lizzy Mercier Descloux – Slipped Disc [MP3]
