It’s the end of Summer, guys. The county fair is getting ready to pack it in and say goodbye until 2014. Once again Pomona (and whatever that fairplex place is called) played home to the LA County Fair this year. I didn’t eat as much as last year, or drink as much, but it was still a pretty good time! I think in 2012 I arrived mid-afternoon and stayed until closing. This year I had to work all day (ugh) and that only left about four hours to eat and drink and ride the rides and play the games. Still, I snapped some pictures, so I figured I’d share them with you.
Do you like carnys? What about thrill rides? How about something called a Euroslide? Do your jeans come with an elastic waistband? If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, you should head on out to the fair before it closes this week. See the sights. Gawk at the fat people. Eat and drink until you’re about to burst. Then hop on the Zipper and throw it all up!
There was no shortage of exciting foodstuffs at this year’s festival. And, somehow, I managed to eat a lot less than I did in 2012. Bacon-wrapped pickles were a no-brainer. I loved the contrast between the salty bacon and the sour pickle. We foodies LOVE to go on and on about pairing sweet and salty, but only rarely do we get to experience the joys of sour and salty. So good. As was the (sadly not pictured) fried chicken on a Krispie Kreme Donut bun sandwich. It tasted just like chicken and waffles. Of course, it helped that the geniuses at Chicken Charlie’s filled the donut hole with maple syrup. Or at least I think they did. It sure tasted like it.
After those appetizers (somewhere I think I hear my mom vomiting) we settled on deep-fried Oreos as our first course. The deep-fried cookie dough returned to the fair this year, as did the White Castle burgers, Klondike bars, frogs legs, Twinkies, Snickers and other battered-and-fried treats I’ve already tried. I liked the Oreos, but they were a wee bit doughy for me. When certain items are battered too heavily they lose the meat of the flavor and simply become beignet bombs. Might as well just eat sugar-free funnel cake for all the flavor it imparts. That’s one reason I think I prefer bacon-wrapped to deep-fried. Another reason, of course, is the bacon.
The fried foods were washed down with a Modelo (sigh, I know…), but after that I switched to my old County Fair standard, the margarita. They’re served in plastic shakers that you can take home with you and keep. I’ve still got three or four from last year. I had a few of those bad boys on Saturday night. Two, I think. Yeah, I guess I ate AND drank a lot less this year than last year. Although later I had half of a loaded baked potato, some garlic fries, and a nibble of cotton candy. I really wanted the maple bacon donut and a deep-fried Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but while I could have spent all four hours at the fair eating fried foods I think that would have been boring for everybody else.
The petting zoo, for example, was a more inclusive activity than sitting around watching me stuff my fat face. Touching animals (and grown up animals) is a tradition as old as time. For as long as man has struggled to perch himself atop the food chain, he has simultaneously stroked his ego by obtaining critters smaller than he and enclosing them in a big cage so others can walk through and touch them and grab at them. It’s just another way we like to assert our dominance over the rest of the animal kingdom. Notice how I (yellow hoodie) appear to walk as if a daze among the critters. Deer and goats, lambs and llamas, piglets and — oh yeah, the piglets. That’s why I went into the petting zoo…
To know me is to know that my sister has an unhealthy obsession with little pigs. It’s been her life’s ambition to own a micro-miniature teacup pig. She’s been trying to make that dream a reality for the past ten years. She asked my mother for a teacup pig for her 30th birthday (yeah, you read that right…a 30 year old woman with a dream of owning a pig) and when she was denied she ceased talking to mom for an uncomfortable amount of time. Naturally, when I saw baby piggies in the petting zoo my goal become to touch one (or two) and send a picture to my sister, thus ruining her weekend and maybe even her life. What do you think? Are they cute? No? I don’t really care. I only care about how PISSED she was when this picture text showed up on her phone.
What is that, a baby goat? A lamb? I don’t know what the difference is. I’m gonna guess it was a goat because it had little nubs where its horns might someday be. Anyway, this little guy couldn’t get enough of me. He was like the size of a house cat, and he came right up to me like I was papa goat or something, like I was the guy he could whine too about needing to borrow the car keys pleasepleaseplease pretty please!? Yeah right, little guy. You look and stumble about like you’re stoned. You’re not getting anywhere near my Toyota.
What else do people do at the county fair? Oh, right. They pound the rest of their margarita and then hope on the ferris wheel. “Hey Mr. Carny sir, if I hand you an extra dollar can you be sure to stop it once I get to the very tippy top so I can have a quiet special moment with my lady” was NOT something I’ve ever thought about saying before at any point in my life. But I’ve seen it done in movies and those guys always seem like chivalrous gentlemen.
OMG This is totes going on Instagram! Fo reals.
After the Ferris Wheel another margarita was required. Then it was time to win the ingenue a prize at one of the games…but since I’m a bastard of a leading man I let her a) pay to play the game and b) do most of the work, popping four of the required five balloons necessary to win before I stepped in and popped the game-winner. After much deliberation she settled on a pink stuffed pig, which I’m sure is already gathering dust in a corner somewhere in her apartment. Then we rode the Euroslide (I won). Then we pounded the rest of our margaritas and drove home listening to Weezer’s Blue Album.
Yup, just another year at the LA County Fair!
Next time, though, more food. Fuck rides and games. It’s about the food!
Felix – Oh Holy Molar [MP3]
