How many of you are familiar with Magnetic Resonance Imaging?
Oh, all of you? I’m the only one who has never had an MRI before?
Well, then you can stop reading right now, because I’m going to write this post as if it’s the most unique, rare procedure in all of internal medicine. Why? Because this was the technique required to look at the internal structure of my knee and calf in order to determine if my long distance running hobby was taking too much of a toll on my body. And because for the past two months I’ve been experiencing intermit ant pain in my lower leg, and the fact that it wasn’t improving with rest started to freak me out. You know me. I’m a ridiculous hypochondriac. I’ll find any excuse to utilize the $40 co-pay my health insurance affords me.
So, what’s an MRI? Well, you can start your lesson in radiology by reading the blog entry I posted one week ago today. Fearing there might be a stress fracture somewhere in my left leg that routine x-rays could not reveal, my orthopedist requested a trip to the ol’ medical imaging facility in Santa Monica (I say that as if a) it’s been there for a really long time or b) I’ve been there countless times before). There, I would be subject to some sweet-ass nuclear medicine in the hopes that it would show the nuclei of atoms in my leg and offer a better view of whatever the fuck is going on inside my body.
Never having seen firsthand the results of an MRI before, I was anxious to learn how they could be used in diagnosing my ailment. Had I bothered researching, I might not have been so incredibly shocked to see my doctor manipulate the…I don’t know, hundreds? Thousands? However much information is obtained to render an absolutely perfect (or so it appeared) three-dimension view of INSIDE MY LEG it took to generate these renderings of my bones and muscles and tendons and whatever else makes up my body. Blood vessels? Those were there too. This thing…it was insane. There were four or five different angles we looked at, from a 360-view of the top and bottom of my leg to a downright bonkers view that imagines what my leg looks like if it was sliced perfectly off and you were looking up into the abyss like something you’d see in the window at a butcher’s shop. I was blown away, to the point where I almost asked if I could take pictures of it on my phone, but I thought that would be very unprofessional of me.
At first I was all, like, “Oh that’s cool. It shows the muscles and you can see the femur, tibia and fibula.” And then my doc said, “We’re looking for areas of brightness. That might indicate extra inflammation or an area of concern.” Then he started rotating the image 360-degrees and my immediate thought was, “If I was high right now this would totally blow my mind.” Hell, the only x-rays I’d ever seen until last week were of my hands on the multiple occasions when I’ve broken or displaced fingers. I’d never even seen an x-ray of a leg before, and when he showed me mine I was like, “Oh, cool. I’ve never seen my leg bones before.” But then I saw THIS today and I literally thought, “This is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s inside my leg. It’s like a journey to the center of myself. If my center was located in the lower half of my left leg. I wondered, “Is this is the Planet Express crew felt when they shrunk themselves down to investigate the parasites building a colony in Fry’s intestines!?”
The answer to that question, of course, was, “Wait — could you repeat whatever you were saying, doc? I totally just spaced-out looking at that totally BONKERS view of fucking blood vessels running through my FUCKING INSIDES!”
The best part of this trip to the doctor’s office (aside from the clean bill of health, but more on that in a moment) was the fact that I got to keep the CD with all the MRI images on it. Sure, I’ll never be able to capture any of those images and share them with you — because I have no idea what these file formats are, or whether they’re even accessible on a Mac — but I maintain a sliver of hope that someday I’ll be able to go back inside my leg, in the comfort of my own home, while high as FUCK, to recapture that biological/psychological trippy feeling again.
So, what did my MRI show? Well, both the imaging lab and my doctor seem to think that there is no skeletal, muscular, or tendon injury inside my leg. No red flags. There is no stress fracture, no observable muscle tears, strains or pulls, and no tendonitis. The doctor offered some reasonable explanations (when you work on one muscle over and over again without changing up your routine this can happen, etc. etc.) and offered some advice for healing. I’m supposed to stretch daily, and for the next month or two focus on another form of training. Whether it’s cross-training, hiking, swimming, biking, whatever…the goal should be to rest up the muscles that are causing my pain and shift the focus elsewhere to give myself a more balanced workout. Makes perfect sense, right? You probably could’ve told me that before I went out and spent $80 on two office visits, a yet-unknown amount of money on x-rays, and $500 on an MRI?
Well, why didn’t you, asshole? I could’ve used all that money on something cool. Like a shark sleeping bag, or a bitchin’ work of art inspired by one of my favorite A Song Of Ice And Fire characters. Thanks a lot, asshole.
Sunroof! – Radioactivity [MP3]
