Well, night one in Las Vegas met our expectations. It ended with Tom scooping me up off the bathroom floor in a Canadian cheerleader’s hotel room and walking me back to my hotel. I was doing so well until that waitress at Monte Carlo starting bringing us two or three drinks and tequila shots at a time. I might have lost $120 playing blackjack but at least I drank about that much in return. Tom won fifty bucks, Ken and KT won seven hundred. To say I was the big loser last night would probably be an understatement. Especially when you consider the fact that my night ended on a strange girl’s bathroom floor. The only way it could have gone worse would be if Tom had walked in and there was a 42″ flatscreen TV on me.
That’s a joke none of you could understand, yet…
As I woke up at 12:33pm today and glanced at the clock at my bedside, I remembered I was supposed to meet my friend Peter for lunch at the Wicked Spoon buffet in the Cosmopolitan at one o’clock. I took the quickest shower of my life (I’m so OCD my showers usually involve intense care and use of all available hot water) and hungover-walked to meet him. I felt nauseous, but I wound up eating quite a large amount of food. Perhaps my not eating lunch or dinner yesterday had something to do with it. A man can’t survive on one chocolate chip cookie and a large latte if he’s going to spend nine or ten hours drinking. I thought about breakfast, but wound up eating way more than that. Started with an omelet packed with tomato, onion, spinach, jalapeños, bacon and sausage (topped with cheese), a few choice salami selections from the charcuterie bar with cornichon pickles and toasted brioche, a sesame bagel with whipped butter, two tacos al pastor and a mimosa. That was my first plate. Finding strength through food, I decided to keep shoveling edibles into my nog hole for as long as it took to feel…we’ll say…50% of my normal self. The “lunch plate” included servings of macaroni and cheese, pasta with eggplant in a tomato sauce, gnocchi with brussels sprouts, spicy glazed orange chicken and mandarin fried rice. Dessert included some chocolate bark and two chocolate chip cookies with salted peanut butter gelato stuffed in between. On my way back to my hotel room I met up with Tom and Ken and KT to watch them eat lunch and chat about last night. I ate Tom’s french fries and drank another soda.
Now, here I sit, typing this and waiting for the maintenance engineer to get to my room to fix the Internet and television so I can post this little story and go to bed. I’ll be awake again in a couple hours, ready to do this all over again.
And when I finally get back to LA tomorrow I’m instituting a no-drinking rule effective immediately, with a yet-to-be-determined end date. Boy, that’s going to make Friday’s “booze cruise” really boring. Ok, so maybe I’ll make that my last night of drinking for a long time.
Silkworm – Let’s Kill Saturday Night (Robbie Fulks) [MP3]
