The first of the Halloween parties occurred last night at a bar in West Caldwell. Ken, KT and Hornet arrived late, as they were lost in a haunted corn maze. I was on time even though I drove to Edison to see Sam and Lindsey in the afternoon hours. I really didn’t want to dress up for the occasion, but my sister forced my hand. She texted me earlier in the day to let me know that if I wasn’t going to dress up she had a costume I could try. She said, “Put a potato in your pants and call yourself a dictator. A dick-tater! Get it?” I said what the hell. I’ll dress up as a dictator.
The party was pretty fun! There were the obligatory random high school faces from my graduating class that I’d hoped to never see again, but there were also a lot of nice, new people to meet. And there were plenty of cheap drinks to consume. Shots of Makers Mark? $4. Whiskey on the rocks? I don’t know, I didn’t pay for any — but I sure drank a few. Shots of Patron? I don’t know, I didn’t pay for any of those either. Shot of vodka? I don’t know, some creepy looking guy at the bar gave me one of those. Makers on the rocks? $8. Things definitely picked up when my sister won the $200 costume contest. She was a “cock block.” She wore a box around her waist that was made to look like a child’s building block, but it had little roosters on all four sides. Very clever girl, that sister of mine.
The dick-tater went over pretty well. Some girls wanted to touch it, most girls didn’t want to make eye contact with it, and pretty much every guy in the bar refused to talk to me. Their obvious homophobia was quite funny to witness. I’d say it was a success.
Ladies and gentlemen…the dick-tater (mach one)! Oh, wasn’t my mother proud when she saw me leaving the house with a fake dick as my costume choice. The parents of the girl who was throwing the party had but four words to say to me when they left the party later that night: “That’s over the line.”
That’s my sister’s friend Ellie. She was dressed up as “Holy Shit.” Her husband came dressed as “Bull Shit.” Awesome duo. This picture is supposed to be captioned, “A girl shits on Evan’s chest” but I didn’t think it was clear enough. Hornet Montana looks on disapprovingly in the background.
KT can’t contain herself around me and my dick-tater. Here she licks her lips while stroking me, and I bite my lip and run my fingers through her hair. Hot.
That’s my sister’s friend Megan, and yes, that’s her actual height. Just kidding. She might be on her knees. She’s slightly taller than a midget when she’s standing upright. I’m resting my potato dick on her boob. Oh, I think she’s dressed as a pirate. Boring. She was rumored to be dressing up as Shark Week but it didn’t work out.
Filiz broke my dick off with her butt.
Jesus fondles my dong.
Your hero, with Hornet Montana in tow.
Round two tonight? Most likely.
