Five or six years ago, if you were to tell me Futurama was returning to television, I would have shit myself with glee. Wait. Is that even possible? Can one be so overjoyed that bowel control is lost? Whatever the answer may be, the point remains: there was a time in recent years when I was obsessed with Futurama. Lest you think I’m speaking hyperbolically, there are precious few things in this world I have ever appreciated on such an intense level that I would say I was “obsessed” with it. Some examples include: Gail Simmons’ tits, Tecmo Super Bowl, and Slint’s Spiderland. In my opinion, Futurama was — for some time — right there alongside the ephemera I’ve cared for most deeply in my life.
And then I graduated college…and then I stopped smoking pot…and then I moved and didn’t have a television. I had all the Futurama DVDs, but daily routines such as college classes -> getting really trashed -> watching “Adult Swim” or living at home without a job -> getting really trashed -> watching “Adult Swim” disappeared. At some point I heard the creators of the show were putting together a series of straight-to-video movies, and I became very excited. But when I actually watched the first feature, Bender’s Big Score…ouch. As people sometimes type in fake-Italian dialect, “Not-a-so good!” The one after that was called, The Beast With A Billion Backs. Yuck. I was starting to feel a bit cheated, like maybe the amazingness of Futurama and its legacy was being tarnished by this crap. Bender’s Game sealed the deal. I was over it. I didn’t even watch the last of the feature-length films. I don’t even know what it’s called. I’d catch an old episode here or there if there wasn’t anything else on the television, but Futurama became an afterthought in recent years.
Today I saw an article on WIRED’s website about how Futurama is returning to television (via Comedy Central) tomorrow night, with a full season of new episodes. I’m not sure how I feel about it. What’s more, I’m not sure I even care. Not even an interview with David X. Cohen can stir me from my Futurama-less slumber.
Maybe I just don’t have faith in any animated television programs in this post-Family Guy era where creators think they have to pack the show with non-sequitors, odd references and visual gags. Take, for example, the promotional trailer put forth in anticipation of the series re-launch on Comedy Central. In fifteen seconds, we get a pointlessly “silly” oddity (Professor catches fly, drops it in beaker), a visual gag (Fry’s “fro” is messed up, but then he fixes it and says nothing is odd about that), and a horrible non-sequitor (“Oh, also…I’m covered in severe burns.”). I hate this style of television. As far as I’m concerned, Futurama in its original incarnation did not exist like this. It was a show with immense depth, beautifully developed characters, and amazing stories. In late 2002 we saw a slapstick-y, clever episode about global warming (“Crimes Of The Hot”) backed with one of my favorite all-time episodes, “Jurassic Bark.” On a week-to-week basis, Futurama could split your sides or reduce you to tears. It was always smart, funny, and captivating. It’s laughs were not usually predicated on strangeness. They unfolded organically, sometimes over the course of multiple scenes, and never felt rushed just to achieve a desired effect. Starting with the straight-to-DVD films, the show began to trend towards the horrible style most commonly attributed to shows like Family Guy., or the most recent few seasons of The Simpsons. It’s disappointing….well, actually that’s a huge understatement. It’s unfortunate. Futurama in its first go-round was quite literally as good as television could get.
So tomorrow night I will watch the one-hour premiere. To be honest, I don’t think I can give it a second chance if I’m not impressed right away. Sorry Mr. Cohen and company, you’re going to have to show me right off the bat that this is Futurama, and not some hackneyed attempt to quickly assert your show as a comedy that will go as far and even further than its peers. I want to be impressed. I want that old, lovably-obsessed feeling to return. So don’t shit on your legacy.
Golden Retriever – Moments Receding
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