Greetings startravellers. It’s Friday. 99% of the population will be imbibing and fornicating tonight in celebration of the work-week ending. I, on the other hand, am just beginning my work week…and my hours will be increased by co-workers missing work…and I’ll be unable to go on an awesome kayaking trip in San Diego this weekend to celebrate Maryn’s birthday. So, yeah. I guess you could say I’m bummed out right now. But hey, this isn’t a pity party. It’s a blog! Let’s talk about happy, rad shit. Like the ten most recent Google searches that have led people here:
10. Carl’s Jr. Hat
09. Wolf Tail Dragger Means
08. high school dating
07. do people read blogs?
06. dating by manset.org
05. “gail simmons” titty fuck
04. LA Sex
03. mommy issues
02. my life is pathetic
01. geeks sex
Yesterday I wrote about how I want you all to start publicizing Swan Fungus more, be it in the comment section of other blogs, on message boards, or on social networking sites. Why? Because I’m not popular enough. My ego hasn’t been satiated in a while. That stupid website with all those lists of the best blogs for different niches totally neglected to mention me on every list. One of the most hurtful omissions was the “10 Best Los Angeles blogs,” because Swan Fungus contains elements of all the blogs included on the list. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that my blog could beat any of those sterile, unadventurous sites. Here’s how:
Why Swan Fungus Matters More Than Blog.com’s List Of The Top 10 Los Angeles Blogs
10. Curbed LA – Every once in a while I’ll read a relevant article about my neighborhood (usually it has something to do with gang-related activities), but other than that it’s just…it’s boring. I mean, one of its sister websites is focused on the Hamptons for chrissake! I could care less about what Diane Keaton is doing to her house in Beverly Hills, nor do I care to read a puff piece about an exciting new hair salon in Echo Park. That’s why Swan Fungus bypasses all the unnecessary bullshit and focuses its LA-centric sights on such un-LA topics as Gail Simmons and LOST. By ignoring the goings on of Los Angeles and focusing on irreverence and snark, this website provides a lens through which to view the world as colored by a hardened LA resident…who has lived here for all of three years. Ha!
09. Eater LA – It’s a choice like this which baffles me. Swan Fungus offers plenty of food-related posts even though some readers take umbrage with them. Plus, would you rather read about food when it’s written by a stuck-up Jonathan Gold type who will only draw comparisons to other dishes he’s eaten in the world’s most remote regions — which you’ll never have the privilege of tasting — or when it’s written by a man of the people, like myself?
08. Experience LA – Again, this is website whose main principles are readily available on Swan Fungus. I offer LA residents (and New York residents) a concert calendar, one more sophisticated than any other LA blog I’ve come across. Swan Fungus cuts through the fat of other website’s social calendars to provide you with a no-nonsense guide for enjoying life in LA. Plus, you get the added bonus of profanity-laden rants about Bono and Baby Boomers. If you would rather read a bland-ass “cultural event calendar” than the ingenious musings of an arbiter of fine taste, be my guest.
07. L.A. Can’t Drive – Really? A niche website where people rank bad drivers in LA on scales describing levels of idiocy and asshole-ishness is cooler than my blog? Look, I could write about shitty drivers and post a bunch of shitty camera phone photos and call that a blog, but I’m not looking to insult your intelligence. Instead I’ll post about where I’m driving to, and share photos of the places I visit. Call me crazy, but that seems like it makes for a more intriguing, enlightening website. But what do I know, I’m not someone’s idea of a top ten-worthy blogger.
06. LA Metblogs – Ok, this blog has the “alternative news source” credentials that Swan Fungus does not have. But then again, there are already enough city-specific blogs on the Web. We don’t need anymore. Again, I’d rather pick the brain of someone living in the city than read recited PR blasts and syndicated news stories related to life in the city. People might learn more about daily goings on by browsing a city like this one, but they won’t truly grasp what life in LA is like. To get the real LA experience you need to see the city through the eyes of an inhabitant. That’s one of the most important services Swan Fungus provides. Even if I rarely write about goings on in the city. It’s the aura…the essence of city life that comes across in my writing…that’s what makes this blog so special.
05. LA Observed – Way too professional and news-y. At first glance it looks like this page is a less formal version of the Los Angeles Times. Where’s the personal connection? Where’s the “donate money to me so I can get drunk” je ne sais quoi? I’ll tell you where it is: It’s non-existent.
04. LA Taco – Again, it’s a niche website that celebrates the “taco lifestyle” in the city. That’s all well and good, but not only does Swan Fungus celebrate the pizza and burger lifestyle in LA, it also devotes space to news, reviews, photography and more. Clearly it’s a better way to waste your time than this frivolous taco site.
03. LAist -Â I can’t really complain about this one. I use it all the time. It’s a better Los Angeles blog than Swan Fungus. But it’s not dirty and gnarly and foul enough. I don’t think I’ve ever read the words “cunt” or “retard” on LAist.
02. Losanjelous – Â I’d say this is the antithesis of Swan Fungus, and I have never read it until right now, but I hate it. The most recent post is a link-dump to posts about different ticket sales for LA concerts. All of them suck, too. Who the hell cares about Jack Johnson playing LA four times in October? That’s not a reliable, trustworthy concert calendar. If you want one of those, read my blog. And for the record, LA’s concert calendar is nothing to write home about. For every good show that comes to LA there are 4 or 5 better in New York. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Oh, and the second most recent post on their website is called “Today In American Apparel,” which leads me to believe that it’s some kind of regular column. Horrible. I never want to see that website ever again.
01. blogdowntown -Â “the online community hub for Downtown Los Angeles.” So what…is it limited to the annoying businessmen working at the financial institutions downtown, or is it also open to the Skid Row community, too? I don’t see why this is one of the ten best LA blogs. It’s another website providing news and information about the same old shit you could read anywhere else on the Internet. If you haven’t already realized, the point of this list is to drive home the point that what makes a city-centric blog interesting is not the news and information it disseminates about the city. It’s about the author’s ability to capture the essence of his home while keeping neighbors and readers from around the world actively engaged in the content. I might not write about affordable housing projects (because that would be so totally boring), but I think I provide a better glimpse at LA life than most of these websites included in the Blogs.com Top 10 list of Los Angeles blogs.
That was a fun top ten list. My ego is doing fine, thanks. And now, in the spirit of the city in which I live, I’m going to drive all the way across town to grab a beer.
