I forgot to warn you all that you should have set your DVRs to “stun” this morning — as in stunning — because my beautiful face was plastered all over the Ellen Degeneres show. I don’t know what channel it’s on, but I went to a filming of the show last week to see an old friend of mine, who works on the show. Little did I know that Nicci and I would be featured rather prominently during the first half of the show. Oh, and would you look at that — I was in total self-promotion mode, wearing a t-shirt with my own face on it. I wonder — does this make me my own entrant into the 2nd Annual Swan Fungus Holiday Contestâ„¢? I mean…I’ve been on television now, and I’m a C-list “cewebrity,” does that qualify me for the prize I’m trying my hardest to give away to someone else? Jesus, I hope I don’t win.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering — yes, that smirky wryly-bemused smile was stapled to my face throughout the entire show. Just to prove it, here’s another screen grab of me taken a minute or so later. Like I said, the first five or ten minutes of the show included roughly a half-dozen shots of Nicci and I. It certainly didn’t hurt that I wore a bright green hoodie to help identify myself in the crowd. Wearing my own face on my chest turned out to be the delicious cherry atop the ice cream sundae that was seeing myself on television.
Futhermore, to prove that I have more than one emotion (read: bored), here’s a recent photograph of me adoring a labrador retriever puppy. So, I guess that means I have two feelings: bored and love. Yeah, that sounds about right. They work well in combination, too. Just ask my ex girlfriend…get it? Because sex with her was boring!
Last night I made my first ever beer bread. I had wanted to devote a little time to the project, using a recipe that called for more intricate ingredients than just beer, sugar, and self-rising flour. Due to time constraints, I had to settle for the JV equivalent of beer bread. It turned out alright, I suppose. I used a bottle of AleSmith IPA, which left the bread with a kind of crazy bitter hop finish. I don’t know that I’ve ever tasted bread that had a “finish” to it. Usually it’s just savory or sweet all the way through. This one kind of crept up on me. I liked it. I don’t think anyone else did. Here’s a picture of my AleSmith IPA bread. Next time I plan on adding some more herbs and spices, and matching them to the flavor profile of my chosen beer. For example, I wonder how a raisin wheat bread with brown sugar and Dogfish Head Raison D’Etre would taste. Amazing? I don’t know…I’ll find out when I finally find a fucking bottle of Dogfish Head in Los Angeles that isn’t 90 Minute IPA.
Finally, they opened a Sonic in Duarte. I’ve never heard of nor driven to Duarte in my tenure as an Angelino. Nate, Nicci and I went tonight. I haven’t had Sonic in about 5 years. It was delicious. I had a bacon cheeseburger on Texas toast, a side of Tater Tots, and a bonus Jr. Fritos Chili Cheese Wrap, which was the absolute foulest thing I have ever tasted in my entire life. Really, that thing should be illegal. It was also kind of amazing on an I-hate-myself-and-want-to-die level. I didn’t try one of their famous Limeades because they sound disgusting and I don’t like sugary drinks. So I drank a soda. Hypocrite? Yes. Super-sexy blogger God totally immune to hypocrisy? Also yes. Our meal was consumed in the quiet comfort of Nate’s car. We tried to improvise our own awkward Sonic television commercials.
To end the evening, a friendly game of Settlers Of Catan between Nate, Nicci, Tom and I. Tom won, and I played dreadfully. There was no strategy at all to my game. Pat stopped by to play some Mario Kart. If you aren’t keeping up with our Mario Kart Wii league, you should definitely check out the “Standings” link on the menu bar near the header of this page. You could do worse than waste ten or fifteen minutes of your life reading about the results of Mario Kart races. Someone suggested adding media like images and video to the standings page. I remember the first time Ian told me my blog needed more images and audio. I think of the Kart page as a kind of a tipping point for my life. If I really invest more than five minutes on it, it would be about the most embarrassing and pathetic thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. This is a real “jump the shark” moment for me. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens…
Table – Unwind
LaVice & Company – Thoughs Were The Days
The Residents – Woman’s Weapon
