That’s no celebrity — that’s my sister!
Hey. How come nobody has submitted an entry for the Swan Fungus Holiday Contest in, like, three weeks? What’s wrong with you people? In the last week alone, I’ve missed opportunities to give t-shirts to Keanu Reeves, Topher Grace, Liv Tyler, Jenna Malone and one other famous person, but I’m drawing a blank on the name. The point is, if I alone have had all these chances to get my face on people’s bodies in one week, how come the hundreds of people who read this page haven’t had any chances in three weeks? That’s it, I’m extending the contest. The 2nd Annual Swan Fungus Holiday Contestâ„¢ will conclude on February 14th, Valentines Day. That’s when I’ll decide who gets to take home the awesome prizes. Until then, e-mail me if you need a t-shirt.
I was really excited about going on a cool Mystery Drive today. But by the time I got to Coldwater Canyon my car was pretty much inoperable. I’ve been driving on a broken axle for some time now, because I don’t have the money to fix it. Now I can’t really accelerate past twenty or thirty miles-per-hour without being jostled about by the wobbly, reverberating vehicle. Since exploring the wilderness without a plan or a map would not be wise with a car on the verge of disaster, my adventure transformed into something much less exciting. I decided to drive home really slowly from Coldwater on city streets. It was the least fun mystery drive I’ve ever taken. I guess I should just take my car to the mechanic tomorrow and try to grin and bear it when I find out how much it will cost to fix.
So, what does one do when they lose their will to live (and by “will to live” I mean “method of transportation”)? They go out on the town and get really, really drunk. That is my plan for this evening. Tomorrow evening is a huge softball game. It is the first round of the playoffs, and we’re matched up against a team we have never beaten in two full seasons. This is the team that beat us by one run twice in a row. We want to win. We have to win. I’m sure you will get to read all about it on Friday or Saturday. Actually, it will probably be Saturday, because I already have Friday’s Top Ten list completed.
Until then, get to work on figuring out your Holiday Contest strategy. This is the last time I’m going to extend the deadline for submitting your entry. I want to see my face on a celebrity’s body.
The Mermen – Obsession For Men
The Virgin Silence – We Twist The Sun And Sea
Guano Padano – Guano Padano
