To my dear American readers: I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday. To everyone else across the globe who reads this blog: consider yesterday’s no update a product of American greed and selfishness. I was too busy cooking and then consume mass quantities of food.
December is rapidly approaching, which means I get to re-write my annual “Year End” lists, along with every other website on the Internet. Just to give you a sneak peek of what lays ahead, here is the upcoming schedule of Friday Top Ten lists, which will be — wait for it — posted on Fridays throughout the month!
December 4th, 2009 – The Top Ten Top Ten Lists Of 2009
December 11th, 2009 – The Top Ten Negative Reader Comments Of 2009
December 18th, 2009 – The Top Ten Deaths Of 2009
December 25th, 2009 – The Top 100 Albums of 2009
Yesterday being a holiday in which we’re supposed to give thanks to all that we have in our lives, I decided that today’s installment of the Friday Top Ten will be dedicated to the people and things I am thankful for this year. So, let’s start the “Year End” list trend a week early with a very Thanksgiving-themed record of things I appreciate.
The Top Ten Things I’m Thankful For (2009 Edition)
10. Flash Forward – The show is most definitely not LOST. Still, it has given Nicci, Nate and I something mildly interesting to look forward to during this long off-season. When there are no new episodes of LOST I don’t watch a lot of television. I watch sports, Top Chef, this show, and I’ve caught a few episodes of V. I just don’t like how the main character is only ever whispering his lines. Also, there are way too many side characters whose stories are totally boring. Like the electrician/AA sponsor. Who gives a shit about him or his daughter? Boring. And that guy Penny from LOST is supposed to have an affair with? Super dull. I cringe whenever I see him.
09. Twitter – If only because it allows me to follow the life of Gail Simmons. Every time I see her “tweet” about some new restaurant she’s eating at, or share 140 characters about an upcoming episode of Top Chef, I have a micro-orgasm. Speaking of which, my “Gail Simmons” Google Rank according Webmaster Tools has slipped from #8 to #13. This is completely unacceptable. I need to start writing more about Gail Simmons Food & Wine Magazine, and her amazing tits. Or, you can perform a Google search for “Gail Simmons” and then click through to my website. I think that will help my ranking. I’d be thankful for that.
08. I Haven’t Been Raped, Throat Slit, And Left For Dead – As far as I’m concerned, that makes for a pretty good year, am I right? I’m sure I would be devastated had I — at any point this year — been dragged kicking and screaming into a dark alley by a stranger who desired to rape me, slit my throat, and leave me to die.
07. Qdoba – I haven’t been there in quite some time. In fact, I swore it off when I decided to eat healthier. Still, knowing that it is there, and I could eat it at any time. Oh, what a wonderful feeling. I don’t know what it is about Qdoba, but I like it more than Chipotle. Maybe it’s because Qdoba is the underdog in the fight. I don’t know, there’s just something about it that appeals to me more than Chipotle. It’s like living on the North Shore and rooting for the White Sox over the Cubs.
06. “Indie” Music Blogs – Without these websites, I would have to search so much harder for things to make me laugh throughout the day. I love the seriousness with which they approach their criticism. I love the attention to completely useless “news stories” (read: label PR bullshit). Most of all, I’m thankful for pieces of shit who write so effusively and dramatically about their idea of “the next big thing.” Oh God, what lark. I’m laughing thinking about it right now. Here’s looking at you, Animal Collective and Vampire Weekend. Thanks for making my year that much funnier, you fucking jokes!
05. I’m Not Charles Manson’s Son – Imagine you are adopted. You’ve always felt an unspoken disconnect with your parents. You’ve probably been molested. I don’t know, what other problems do adopted kids have? Whatever, imagine you decide to seek out your biological parents only to learn that your birth father is actually Charles Manson. Ouch. Read about it here.
04. Farkle – 2009 was a banner year for Farkle. There are currently three versions available for purchase on the iPhone. You can walk into a Borders or Barnes & Noble and find it packaged as six dice with a cup that says “Farkle” on it (which is retarded, by the way). Or, you can waste time at work playing on Facebook. Whenever I can’t think of a blog entry idea, by default I start playing Farkle. Somehow that allows my mind to get into gear, and soon enough I have an epiphany. Or, I forget all about blogging and give up on life. Again.
03. Softball – I’m in the middle of my 2nd season of softball. My rookie campaign was quite the learning experience, as I hadn’t played a competitive sport in six or seven years. Halfway through the year a flipped a switch and actually started hitting the ball well. This season (and by the way, how amazing is it that you can join a softball league in November if you live in California?) I have the highest on-base percentage on my team. I love softball. It even ranks above LOST night as the thing I most look forward to each week.
02. Bourbon / Beer – I’ve consumed 97 new beers this year in almost 11 full months. I’ve had some good new bourbons, too. Rather than be thankful for a particular beer or brand of bourbon, I would like to express my thanks to bourbon and beer — and booze in general — for helping me get through this year.
01. Mystery Drives – 2009 was the year of the mystery drive. And there were many, many mystery drives that led to blog posts for both Swan Fungus and WFMU. I’ve visited gravity spots, potential internment camps, breweries, amazing national parks, and more. I drove several hours to use a restroom in a state penitentiary! I love mystery drives. I am thankful that they exist, and I love them even though they are not a tangible…thing.
I’m also thankful for my family, my girlfriend, all of my friends, and the people who have supported this website through another year. There will not be a new Top Ten list until 2010, so I hope you all enjoy the upcoming “Year End” lists. Here’s to making 2010 the year of the Top Ten list!
Goblin – Zombi
Philippe Petit – In Tokyo Henry Spencer Is Fine
