Oof. Last night. Wow. I’m definitely not feeling it today. Who would have thought an otherwise boring day (lunch with sister, a trip to the mall with mom) would turn out so completely insane.
My sister suggested we go to a sports bar for Monday Night Football. I invited along Ken, Katie and Z. Elissa invited some of her friends. I’ve only ever been to that bar once or twice, but my sister is a regular. She knows all the bartenders, the owners, and the other regulars. She said she’d take care of me, and she definitely did. I started with three slightly watered-down Jack-and Cokes.
Our response to the question “Are you guys ready for a night of drinking?”
The blonde bartender was showing off photos of her potential Halloween costume, an angel. Elissa grabbed the camera, shoved it under my nose and said, “Would you fuck that slutty angel?” Not recognizing it to be the bartender, and neglecting to ask who it was led me to say, “Eh, probably not.” Ouch.
Jack ‘n Coke juxtaposed to two shots of the Evan-inspired “surfer on acid”.
Even though I figured she hated me, bartender blonde actually became really nice after I insulted her. I asked her to invent a shot for me. I told her to look at me, study me, and mix together whatever comes to mind first. Her concoction was called a “surfer on acid.” It smelled foul, but tasted really sweet. I had two of those shots, then switched over to Maker’s on the rocks. I think I had three of those. We added some other local chick to our party at some point, and a few more of Elissa’s friends showed up to drink with us. There was a conversation about nipples. One of Elissa’s friends left at 11:30, and suddenly I realized it was still really early and I was getting a decent buzz. It was beginning to look like we were all headed for the dark side.
Elissa’s friends. The other half of our party.
Falling behind, or merely setting the pace? My Maker’s on the rocks plus two more Jager shots.
The sports bar called last call sometime after midnight. Before that happened, There was whisky and scotch to drink, plus another “new creation” shot from blonde bartender, two rounds of Jager shots, a random shot of Patron that appeared before me as if sent from above, and who knows what else. Elissa had wanted to only stay out until midnight, but she soon realized we needed to move the party elsewhere. Her friend Liz drove me down the street to a second bar. I ended up with a Johnny Walker black in my hand. I don’t know who paid for it. I was pretty far out of it at that point. Blonde bartender showed up. Another bartender at this bar poured shots down my throat. There was a photo finder game. Katie started making out with a chick. Total zen. Somewhere around 2am we hit that peak where everything happening at all corners of the bar was perfect. I felt like that episode of Futurama where Fry drinks 100 cups of coffee and enters some kind of crazy warp speed where everything around him appears to be moving so slowly it’s actually at a stand-still. Euphoria.
Ken giddily enjoys a man sandwich...
…Or maybe he was just happy because he saw this going on behind us.
I don’t recall Elissa and her friends leaving. The last thing I remember was the lights going on in the bar, and I was trying to argue another shot out of the bartender from behind two girls who I think were waiting for him. Someone (I don’t know who) grabbed me and led me out of the bar to my friends in the parking lot, and as I struggled to get back to my precious alcohol I reached out and grabbed a hooded sweatshirt off one of the seats at the bar. Sorry, person I stole from! I don’t remember how I got home. I talked to Z this morning and asked if I’d walked all the way back, but he told me someone dropped me off at the end of my street. Apparently I missed a near-orgy outside our old high school, but it was broken up by the police. I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow, but my consciousness had entered dreamland long before I physically retired for the night.
I slept like a fucking rock. Best night of sleep I’ve had all week, even if it was only for a few hours. Waking up sucked. My head hurts and I’m still dizzy even though it’s approaching the middle of the afternoon.
