I’m leaving here feeling confused and tired; these ten days have been like a whirlwind of activity swallowed by an absolutely-fucking-miserable black hole. So much went on, but a few unexpected…uh, surprises…overshadowed the rest. I was unable to decompress at home. Conflict, whether it occurred here in New Jersey or back in Los Angeles, felt unavoidable. It’s hard for me to be excited right now because I — perhaps selfishly — feel robbed of a true vacation. Looking back on my time here, I think the drive to Vermont was pleasant, but every other day was filled with strife. Even the Friday/Saturday “welcome home / goodbye again” celebration was marred by constant thoughts of issues at home, and the beginning of this week leading up to the Mets game on Wednesday consisted of some of my darkest hours since…shit, I don’t even remember. I’m still ill at ease.
I think it goes without saying that upon returning to California I am going to have to set some major changes in motion. I can’t allow myself to get into situations like this one again, as they are both physically and emotionally draining. If anything, all this upheaval has left me feeling inspired to stir change. This drive is tempered because I’m having a hard time not wallowing in my own feces self-pity right now, but I imagine once I confront some of the glaring issues in my life things will begin to brighten up!
Thanks LiveJournal, you’re my best friend.
My final day in New Jersey was a mellow one. Thankfully. Nobody I love did anything fucked up, which made me happy for a few hours. Mom cooked a really good “last supper” before my return flight, and then I met Melissa at Borders for tea and chat. She waited until literally the last minute to tell me she was in town, and I actually gave up watching the Mets game — even though it was tied 2-2 — to hang out for an hour! In hindsight, I think I would have rather watched the end of the game.
Upon returning home, mom made me watch two episodes of Fraiser with her, because she it’s her new favorite television show. I want to get a good night of sleep tonight, for the first time since my first night home.
…Tomorrow. Los Angeles.
