We are living in strange times, friends. And, like Mark Burgess sang on the Chameleons album Strange Times, “Well, we were younger then, / And the days were long and slow / But were we wiser then? / I couldn’t say, I wouldn’t know.” My point, dear readers, is…I don’t know what my point is exactly. I just know that I wanted to open this paragraph by saying something about the state of our society, and I wound up making an obscure reference that I couldn’t support with any other statements of fact.
Nostalgia is a funny thing, you know. Don Delillo wrote “Nostalgia is a product of dissatisfaction and rage. It’s a settling of grievances between the present and past.” When we wax poetic about past experiences, we implicitly yearn for what we once had. Hell, we might even have affectations of tranquility when we return from thoughts of the past to the present. Many of us, in hindsight, might even feel like we’ll never again recapture those emotions.
“Jumping the shark is a colloquialism coined by Jon Hein and used by TV critics and fans to denote the point in a TV show or movie series’ history where the plot veers off into absurd story lines or out-of-the-ordinary characterizations. This usually corresponds to the point where a show with falling ratings apparently becomes more desperate to draw viewers in. In the process of undergoing these changes, the TV or movie series loses its original appeal. Shows that have “jumped the shark” are typically deemed to have passed their peak.” – Wikipedia
Now, re-read that paragraph, but replace the references to TV shows and movies series with the phrase “my life”. This was the topic of conversation at Nicci’s house earlier this week. Pat, Nicci, Nate, Maryn and I were talking about actors and musicians and when they “jumped the shark,” and it didn’t take long for us to start talking about our own lives. Have we jumped the shark? Of course we have! How does life get better from here? What, we grow up and get married and die? That doesn’t sound very fun.
So, what did my friends have to say when I asked them when they jumped the shark? Well, those who had heard the expression before — and most of my friends didn’t know what “jump the shark” meant, so I had to cut all ties to them — had a host of different ideas about the moments when things either became absurd, or the moment life seemed to lose it’s original appeal. Depressing? Maybe.
Pat: “I jumped the shark…oof. I don’t know if I’ve jumped the shark yet. If I jumped the shark, it’s right now. It’s with the show I’m doing right now.” … “I jumped the shark with (insert name of television show he worked on).” … “I know when I jumped the shark! When I moved to Worcester is when I jumped the shark.” … “I remember when I jumped the shark. The last episode of (insert another show he worked on) is when I jumped the shark. That’s the last one I did, and it was terrible.”
Maryn: “I don’t know, I feel like the shows I’ve done have been pretty good? (insert names of television shows she’s worked on)? Oh, being unemployed for the past week! That’s when I jumped the shark.” (Five minutes later) “I think I jumped the shark when I was 17. I had a boyfriend and…” (I stopped paying attention to what she was saying. Something about dropping acid with him?
Nate: “Nah. I haven’t jumped the shark.” (A few minutes later) “22.”
Nicci: “No, me neither.” [I like to think she jumped the shark the minute she let me in her pants.]
Vegan Nick: “About the same time The Simpsons jumped the shark. I guess that, like The Simpsons, I just started trying too hard. Too many celebrities made guest appearances in my life.”
Molly: “Maybe when I eat that 4th cupcake and I think molly you fucking lard you have jumped the shark.”
Z: “When I exhaled.”
Louise: “I think i jumped the shark junior year of college. Ahh, its tough to say. I’d say maybe i jumped the shark…yeah, i guess junior year. Because shock value is no longer shock value when you’re expecting to be shocked by a person,
and because ouRAGEousness is no longer outRAGEous when its expected. Yeah, I struggle w the fact ive jumepd the shark… it’s not the first time I’ve pondered it.”
Phoebe: “I don’t know. Oh, probably when I moved back to LA, because I swore I would never come back.”
Liad: “i think when i took the job managing Ours. I just see that as a big waste of time for me.”
What at me, you ask? When did I jump the shark. That’s a good question. No one asked me what I thought when we were having the original conversation, but I’ve had a few days to think about it and now I’m ready to answer.
The quick answer would be, “When I started blogging.” Because, I mean…I’m a blogger. Just saying that gives me douche chills. I actually check myself in public sometimes when I’m asked what I do. “I’m a writer.” I say. “Well, I’m a blogger…” So embarrassing.
The more thought out answer would be summer 2005 following my cross-country excursion. I’ve spent the last 3+ years trying to figure out how to parlay that into a life of travel writing and it hasn’t really happened. I remember when I got home and some friends called me to say, “Hey, you’ve been home for a week, are we going to see you or what?” And I thought to myself, “Oh well, this is it. This is the routine starting again. Fucking hell.” And it was super depressing. My general anxiety and neuroses, which had been dormant for months and months and months…they returned shortly after. Now I’m a big awkward mess.
I generally look back on the days I spent living at home doing nothing other than getting drunk or high and goofing off as a pathetic waste of time (“I’ve lost the plot” I would say about my life at the time), but sometimes I recall them fondly. Especially the times I got really fucked up. Sadly, I miss those more than I should.
Another answer could be when I was 5. My first girlfriend…I let her get away (and by that I mean I pushed her down a flight of stairs during a playdate and my mother had to come pick me up from her house, effectively ending our relationship). We went to different schools after kindergarten, but when I was a sophomore in college I found out that she when to college 8 miles down the road from me, and a reliable source told me she was totally into anal! Oh man, did I ever feel like my life had totally lost its original appeal. My first girlfriend…now an anal queen…and there was no chance I could ever get her back! So, instead I just played a lot of Nintendo GameCube and experimented with pills and casually fucked my ex until she realized I was never going to “date” her again. Ah, college…
So, tell me, when did you jump the shark?
Bardo Pond – The Path
Vincen Gallo – A Picture Of Her
Giant Sand – Wearing The Robes Of Bible Black
Oren Ambarchi – Girl With The Silver Eyes
