Last night Nicci and I celebrated the anniversary of the first time she let me call her “girlfriend,” in public. Up until that night, one year ago yesterday, we were simply two kids who went through a really awkward courtship process. Like, really awkward. Then one night she let me put my penis in her! A few weeks later, we were “dating”. So, to congratulate her for not coming to her senses and dumping me this year, I took her to Arnie Morton of Chicago’s, the same fancy steakhouse where I once spent $306 dollars to try and forget about her! Ah, irony, she is a sweet perfume! Smells like…onions?
You know who still works at Morton’s? That young guy with the black hair who Phoebe, Ilya, Rob and I last year tried to hook-up with the bangin’ blonde hostess. I wanted to ask him if he ever boned-down with her, but that place is so fancy even I would have felt awkward asking such a sexually-charged question. He wasn’t even our waiter. The guy with the weird quasi-accent was our waiter! He was nice enough.
Our dinner began with an appetizer. Well, technically it began with a really good loaf of poppy seed and onion bread, but it truly began with the appetizer. We decided to share an order of broiled sea scallops wrapped in bacon with an apricot chutney. This was my favorite part of the meal. I’d only ever had one bite of a scallop before, but those things are delicious! Nicci calls them “the marshmallows of the sea,” because the texture is a bit marshmallow-y. The bacon was actually kind of unnecessary, but it was also kind of delightful. The chutney was excellent. It was made with peppers and horseradish, which added a hint of sweetness and a nice hot kick.
Our salad was of the ceasar variety. The dressing tasted largely of anchovies, which I stopped caring about the first time my mother ever prepared for me her own recipe for ceasar dressing. The salad was not overdressed, but there was a good amount of dressing on each lettuce leaf. How the fuck does someone “review” a salad anyway?
Nicci ordered the lobster tail — not the jumbo one — the regular sized one. I ordered the single-cut filet mignon. We ordered two side dishes, a jumbo idaho baked potato and steamed asparagus. My baked potato was topped with whipped butter and bacon, Nicci chose “the works,” which was the same thing but with sour cream. Fuck, the potato was good. I tore the shit out of mine. The asparagus was alright. I think I might have enjoyed it more if it was grilled with balsamic. It was too plain, and tasted like watery green vegetable. I sampled the lobster tail and it was good, but not for me.
The filet was ordered medium-rare. I was told it would have a warm red center, but it arrived looking rather rare in the middle, with some pink edges. The red center was not as warm as I desired. I left maybe two bites on the plate. It was still quite good. I hope the next time I eat there they get it right. That shit’s expensive!
All told, I was satisfied with the meal. It coast a lot, but you can’t put a price on love. That’s what I always say!
