Yesterday’s day off really allowed me to be productive in a variety of ways: I finished the first two ‘Thank You’ care packages, I launched more eBay auctions to help trim the fat from my record collection, I visited a local eatery I have always wanted to try, and took care of at least five other items that were on my mental to-do list. Every day should be like yesterday. I guess it would have been better if I’d gotten a job or something, but that day will come soon, I hope.
Being productive with one’s life sure is rewarding. You wake up in the morning, the sun is shining, and you don’t immediately start cursing yourself for all the horrible things you’ve done wrong to bring you to this point. You might even say that, upon awakening, it feels good to be alive. For a short while, anyway. But don’t worry, things will return to normal soon. Keeping that in mind, here’s a list of ten things that will hopefully provide a momentary glimmer of happiness in an otherwise tedious week.
Top Ten Things To Think About To Get Through Today
10. Long Weekend – Most of you, I imagine, will not be working on Monday. It’s Labor Day. Kids will be going back to school soon, and Monday really is — for a large portion of America — the last time to hang out in the sun, grill, go to the beach, or do anything fun. It’s kind of like the last really romantic kiss shared with a lover who will imminently leave you. I have to work Monday, but in California its at least comfortable year-round, so I don’t have to worry about winter like many of you. I guess that’s a fair trade-off.
09. This Thing – Vegan Nick sent me that link yesterday morning (I think it was his attempt to extend an olive branch after informing me that he was not going to meet me at Soy Cafe for lunch), stating that he had been transfixed on it for quite some time. I too found it fascinating, and I bet it’d be a really easy way to waste an hour of my life if I worked a boring desk job like many of you do.
08. Mets In, Yanks Out – At this very moment, the New York Mets are sitting in first place atop the National League East. The New York Yankees, at this very moment, are poised to miss the playoffs for the first time in God-knows how many years. I can’t say I’m disappointed. Nor should you. It’s about time Yankees fans were forced to feel some humility, and suffer through a post-season without a team to support. Don’t worry Yankee fans (I’m speaking to you specifically, Ian and Mike M), you’re always welcome to hop aboard and root for the Amazin’ Mets. We’re not too picky about the kinds of people we allow into our proverbial clubhouse.
07. Today’s Treasure From The Collector’s Slum – Hidden Krautrock gems are usually not that hard to find (because pretty much everything recorded on Brain/Ohr/Pilz et al. has been mined already), but Lava’s album is an epic psych adventure that I’ve rarely come across in various tomes detailing the genre. Check it out, I think you’ll enjoy it if you like most of the music I post here.
06. Thank You’s Are Coming! – You’ve been waiting all month, and if you’re one of the 22 or 23 folks who donated money to this website last month, you’re about to get the surprise of your life: a personalized thank you note from me! Each one is packed to the brim with weird trinkets that were either found around my house, stolen, or provided by friends. There are even personalized CDs, free promo cds, cooking instructions, bourbon recipes and more! Each one is totally different from the next. Hopefully you’ll appreciate the sheer weirdness of these gifts as much as I appreciated all your donations. (Evan in KC and Jon in DC, yours were mailed today).
05. You’ve Got Real Potential, Kid – Even on your least creative day, you could probably formulate a better movie than Disaster Movie.
04. CSI Miami: David Caruso One Liners (Part II) – I cannot stand CSI: Miami. The acting is horrible and the plots are atrocious. Furthermore, any television show or movie that is set in Florida is automatically doomed, because people from Florida are all half-retarded Neanderthals. Trust me, I’ve known enough of them to feel confident making such a bold assertion. For an equally fun viewing experience, you should also watch this collection of corny of David Caruso one-liners. God, that guy SUCKS.
03. If you’re a sex addict, you’re not alone – David Duchovny would make for an awesome rehab buddy. He’s probably got fifty awesome stories about banging Jillian Anderson on the set of the X-Files. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was just a PR stunt to promote the new season of that television show where he plays a struggling writer and a sex addict.
02. Things Could Be Much Worse – You could get stabbed to death by a 13-year old wielding a ballpoint pen. Or even worse still, you could have been microwaved by your mother when you were still a baby.
01. You’re Getting Laid Tonight – It’s Friday night. The girls at your local watering hole are wetter than those in path of a category five hurricane. There’s nothing you can’t do tonight, guy. We’re gonna get you laid. Follow that link and use one of those pick-up lines. You’ll thank me in the morning.
