It’s 11:03pm. I’ve been busy from dawn until this very moment performing several arduous tasks (that’s what I like to call “working”) and running around town on various errands. Then I went out for a nice dinner party at Malo, and drove Nicci and her sister to the airport. They’re going to the Philippines, the lucky fucks. Hopefully I can finish this update before midnight. Otherwise, it’ll be the first time in years (literally, years) that I didn’t have a new post published on time. And what a terrible loss it would be to the writing world if I went a day without a new blog post. One of you might actually worry about my health. Sometimes I wonder if I only do this every day because I’m obsessive compulsive. Certain people have to align items on their desk just the right way in order to feel complete. I have to update this stupid page every day or else my entire world will be in shambles. I guess that makes me like Cinderella, and when the clock strikes midnight I’ll glance up from my laptop and everything will be dust and rubble all around me. My apartment will be gone, my friends and family will have disappeared, and I’ll be left alone in a wasteland, with no more than the faint sounds of distant helicopters trolling overhead. But, then again, that’s pretty much LA: the ruins of a once-glorious civilization. I guess I’m not that far removed from such my bizarre, post-apocalyptic nightmare after all.
I heard the new Calexico album today. Upon first listen, I’m pretty embarrassed by it. Joey Burns and Co. are trying way too hard to make up for that Garden Ruin misstep, so it’s all style and zero substance. I’ll have to give it another two or three listens before I know for certain whether or not it’s a good record, but when I asked my Elvis Presley promo-only Magic 8-Ball that speaks only in Elvis song titles whether or not I should write, “the new Calexico album sucks” it responded with, “It Feels Right”. So I guess my first impression was correct: the album isn’t as good as I’d hoped it would be.
I haven’t written anything personal here in…shit, I can’t remember the last serious post I made on this site. Apparently my mother was right all those times she chastised me for never taking anything seriously. Coincidentally, she was also right the time we had a parent/principal conference in high school about how my penchant for foul language and gross sexual imagery would negatively impact me in the future. Anyway, I’ve been having all these weird “serious” thoughts lately, and they feel unnatural emanating from my mind because I spend most of my days attempting to make witty observations and being as uncouth and socially awkward as possible. I’m not immune. I’ve been hanging out in my own head a bunch, wondering about “changes” and shit, and what the hell I’m doing with my life. I need to find a new path. Total mid-twenties existential crisis/ennui bullshit. You really don’t want to hear about it. Then I took this snappy online quiz (thanks, USA Today!) to help me finger out (of a virtual vagina) whether or not my proverbial clock is ticking away, or towards a goal. Normally I could give two fucks about taking an online quiz — they won’t tell me much about myself — but this one piqued my interest enough not to ignore it and continue on my search for naked Miley Cirus pictures (I would have used another celebrity name but I’m panning for a higher Google ranking!). Apparently my past-negative perspective is “high”, which means I’m “more aggressive, anxious, depressed and less conscientious, considerate, emotionally stable, energetic and happy” (funny, where I come from that defines a Jew). Yet, at the same time, my future perspective is “high”, which means I’m “more energetic, conscientious, open, creative and concerned about future consequences; less aggressive, depressed, impulsive, risk-taking and anxious.”
Well, I think we’ve all learned a thing or two about online quizzes today. I shouldn’t take them because they’ll only frustrate me more. I need a nice long vacation somewhere far, far away. Since I’m perpetually poor (good thing I bought that college education at the low, low price of $120,000) I will instead watch Unforgiven and think about formulating a plan for how I can change my life in five easy steps. Actually, I think I’m going to think about formulating a plan for creating a rubric detailing how I can better my life. That sounds like a more accurate assessment of my current station. I’ll tell you all very soon about the plan I’m thinking about thinking of forming.
That about does it for me. What’s new with you, Internet?
