“Here, take these blankets. No Smallpox, I promise!”
Happy Thanksgiving to all. I hope everyone is celebrating in the company of friends or loved ones. The slightly anorexic voice inside me is begging me to tell you, “Do not over-eat,” but I guess if you’re going to gorge yourself on tasty, savory foodstuffs, today would be the day to do it. Here’s a brief list of things I am thankful for this year. I can’t be bothered to devote a lot of time or thought to this today, because I doubt anyone is spending their holiday browsing the Internet. No one is going to read this anyway.
I Am Thankful For…
Burritos: At this point in my life, my diet consists entirely of bagels, pizza, Patra burgers and burritos. Bagels are the only thing I eat every single day, but I’d say the next most commonly consumed thing is a burrito. I’m thankful I live in a city with a large Latin American population, because it provides me with more burrito options than I could ever consume. I don’t know what I’d do without burritos. Starve, I guess…
My Family: I think they’ve dropped several hundred dollars in the past two weeks shipping me various items from home, and they didn’t even ask for any money in return! Sure, they cry a lot, or bitch about how I never come home, or sigh audibly whenever I ask a favor of them, but they’re also very nice, good people. And they provide me with a constant source of amusement when they ask me every single day (be it through e-mail, text, or phone) whether or not I’ve found a job. Thanks guys, you’re making me feel really good about myself.
My Friends: This current living situation is incredible. This house is brimming with love. Everyone else I know outside of this house is equally incredible. You’re all so nice, listening to me complain about things, laughing at my jokes, and telling me things you like about me. It almost makes me hate myself a little less.
Benzodiazepines: Sure, it’s nice to have a legitimate reason to be happy (ie. love for family and friends), but it’s also nice to sometimes have an artificial sense of happiness or serenity. That’s what benzos are for, and I’m thankful that they’re always available and cheap. Without benzos, I wouldn’t be writing this list right now, and if I was writing this list right now, it wouldn’t be nearly as flowery and cute.
Futurama: Guys, next week the new Futurama movie/DVD is being released. You don’t know how excited I am for this momentous event. I’m going to get the first copy I see and throw a party in celebration of the return of Futurama. You’re all invited. I love you. I’m so thankful for you. Hey, let’s never leave each other’s presence…
