Couldn’t sleep. Spent all night compiling Friday Top Ten lists. Now here they are, in one easy-to-access place. Bookmark this entry for when you’re bored at work, and entertain yourself with a prolonged glimpse into the mind of a truly deranged man. There are currently 81 top ten lists in the archives. Tomorrow’s “Top Ten Halloween Costume Ideas 2007” will be number 82. My friends, we’ve come a long, long way.
If you leave a comment below letting me know which list is your favorite (remember to include your e-mail address), I’ll reward you with your very own personalized “TOP TEN THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU” and I’ll even throw in a “TOP TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU.”
Jesus, what a brilliant idea. If I was a fan of mine, I’d be creaming my god damned pants right now.
2005 (the year of the fifty-cent words)
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• Top Ten Steps To Bed A Hilton Sister
• Top Ten Albums Post-1983
• Top Ten Brit-Pop Albums Of All Time
• Top Ten (Un-Ranked) Movies (a horrible list. What the hell was I thinking)
• Top Ten…Uh…Things
• Top Ten Albums Pre-1983
• Top Ten Ways To Feel Better About Yourself
• Top Ten Embarrassing Moments Of Evan’s Life (plus one bonus moment here)
• Top Ten Worst Things About Moving Home
• Top Ten Recipes For A Successful Marriage
• Top Ten Moments In Evan’s Sports History
• Top 100 Movies Of All Time
• Top Ten Things I Look For In A Catch
• Top Ten Steve Albini Recorded/Engineered Albums
• Top Ten Of Stupid Shit
• Top Ten Underrated Albums
• Top Ten Reasons Girls Are Insecure
• Top Ten Possible Titles For My Book
• Top Ten Beers Consumed on The Road
• Top Ten “Pass The Drugs, Maaaan” Albums
• Top Ten Most Beautiful Things
• Top Ten of Evan’s Halloween Costumes
• Top Ten Guitar Albums Of All Time
• Top Ten Bad Ideas
• Top Ten Debut Albums
• Top Ten Public Figures Of 2005
• Top Ten Newly Dead People Of 2005
• Top Twenty-Five Albums Of 2005
2006 (the year i spent every day writing about writing book)
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• Top Ten Bands You Like That Suck
• Top Ten Worst Haircuts I Could Find Right Now
• Top Ten Reasons You’re Getting Drunk This Weekend
• Top Ten Things You Didn’t Expect To Happen To You In Your Life, But They Did! (Not My Life, Your Life)
• Top Ten Books You Tell People You’ve Read (You Have Not!)
• Top Ten Albums I Have Been Enjoying Of Late!
• Top Ten Reasons Why You’re Unemployed
• Top Ten Crap ’90s Alterna-Rock Bands
• Top Ten Modern Female Songwriters
• Top Ten Things I Keep On My Desk
• Top Ten Animated TV Shows
• Top Ten Inspiring YouTube Videos
• Top Ten Records of 2006 (January-July)
• Top Ten Stellar Documentary Films
• Top Ten Ways To Earn Fast Cash
• Top Ten Sad Things
• Top Ten Of Finding Fame (An Idiot’s Guide To Making A Name For Yourself)
• Top Ten Of Gross!
• Top Ten Thirty Best Krautrock Albums
• Top Ten Possible Halloween Costumes
• Top Ten Advice For Being Noticed By (And Consequently Bedding) Ladies
• Top Ten Things You Don’t Normally Hear In A Strip Club
• Top Ten Deaths Of 2006
• Top Ten Re-Issued Albums of 2006
• Top Ten 50 Records of 2006
2007 (the year I just stopped caring)
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• Top Ten Underrated Things
• Top Ten Nintendo Games
• Top Ten Bad Conversation Topics For First Date (So As To Ensure Hot Sex!)
• Top Ten Reasons Why Not To Attend SXSW
• Top Ten “Whatever Happened To…”
• Top Ten Reasons Why Weather Matters
• Top Ten Movie Villains
• Top Ten Things You Need To Know About This ‘Ere Website
• Top Ten Worst Movie Sequels
• Top Ten Other Records of 1971
• Top Ten Record Labels Worldwide
• Top Ten Despicable Words
• Top Ten “Oh, (Current Band)? No Thanks, I’d Rather Listen To (Band They Rip Off).”
• Top Ten “What The Fuck?”
• Top Ten Strange, Unnatural Food Combinations (Includes Not One Food Combination)
• Top Ten Records Of 2007: From January To June
• Top Ten: Las Vegas
• Top Ten (Or Twelve) Things I Overheard At Chango Today
• Top Ten Things To Do When It’s Hot Outside
• Top Ten Things I’d Rather Do With My Friday
• Top Ten Of Bullshit
• Top Ten Nutritious Habits Of The Planet’s Least Healthiest Person
• Top Ten Six Pieces Of Advice From A Noted Sexpert
• Top Ten Chain Restaurants
• Top Ten Purchases I’ve Lived To Regret
• Top Ten Worst Human Behaviors, And How I’m Guilty Of Them All
• Top Ten Things That Confuse Me
• Top Ten Women In Film Based Solely On Their Lookin’ Supa-Fine
• Top Ten Halloween Costumes
• Top Ten Worst ‘Boomers
• Top Ten Lists Of All Time
• Top Ten Things To Stop Doing In Your 20s
• Top Ten Pick-Up Lines
• Top Ten Things That Really Stick In My Craw
• Top Ten Deaths of 2007
• Top Ten Top Tens Of 2007
• Top 100 Albums Of 2007
2008 (title to be entered upon completion)
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• Top Ten Female Idiosyncrasies I Find Attractive
• Top Ten Baby Names For Boys And Girls
• Top Ten Best Ways To Get Over Her
• Top Ten Broken New Year’s Resolutions
• Top Ten Stupid Remedies For The Flu That Never Was
• Top Ten Most Satisfying Things In My Life
• Top Ten Ways To Better Your Life
• Top Ten Biggest Egos In Baseball
• Top Fifteen Records Evan Introduced Me To
• Top Ten U.S. Breweries
