I’m about to hop in my car and drive to Las Vegas for the weekend. There will be no update tomorrow to this site, and maybe not on Sunday, depending on what time I return and how exhausted I am. Thankfully, by next week, things should return to normal around here. Lots of exciting concerts coming up, maybe another “Adventures in Dating” story, and my good friend Sam recommended a new theme/series that I am going to undertake as soon as I can. It’s sure to be hilarious.
That said, here’s a brief Friday Top Ten. This is the first one in a while, which is quite surprising when I consider that my entire life is a routine of waking up, looking for work, talking to people, and making silly lists in my head. I figured by now, as I close in on my 1000th blog entry, this page would have devolved into daily lists pertaining to various obscure topics. Oh well. I guess I’ve surprised myself.
FRIDAY TOP TEN: LAS VEGAS EDITION
10. That Light At The Luxor – It can be seen from space, supposedly. I’ve always been fascinated by it since I found out why exactly it appears to be shimmering. The light attracts countless insects and moths, and those in turn attract countless bats, whose wings reflect the light causing it to glisten. Cool, right? No? Fine, I’m a nerd.
09. Gambling – If you’re smart about it, you can win a lot of money. If you’re drunk about it, you can either win a lot of money, or ruin your life. It’s a very fine line between striking it rich and feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the entire world. In the grand scheme of Vegas, gambling matters very little.
08. Buffet – I made a joke to Ilya last night, “The buffet is the biggest gamble on the strip!” And then we both laughed at what an old man I am. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure it’s slightly overpriced, but the food is generally very good. And that’s coming from a guy who almost never eats buffet style food because of his fears of germs and bugs.
07. It’s a little warm… – It’s 106 degrees today in Las Vegas, and it will be 104 tomorrow, and 105 Sunday. This should be a lot fun during the daytime, while everyone is trying to sober up by the pool. But don’t worry, the temperature drops to the low-mid 80s every night.
06. Whores – Maybe it’s not your thing, but it’s legal here, so you can be fairly certain you’re not going to catch anything. A funny story: When I was getting ready to go to Vegas in 2003, my mother asked me if I would be visiting any bordellos during my stay. Even though I said no, she wanted me to research prices at the Bunny Ranch. I don’t remember the reason, exactly. “How the hell would I find that?” I asked, “What is it, Bunny Ranch dot com?” She shrugged her shoulders, and I typed in the address. Within five minutes, my computer crashed and my hard drive had died. My mom’s desire to see me research the price of a whore killed my computer.
05. Opulent Accommodations – Unless you want to cheap-out and stay downtown or off the strip, no matter which hotel (in reality they’re more like independent amusement parks) you choose, you’re going to have some otherworldly opportunities to have fun when you’re not gaming. There are water parks, lazy rivers, roller-coasters…anything you want. And most of these places also sell alcohol! Although I didn’t go on the New York New York roller-coaster last time in town, I was told the ride was packed with members of a bachelor party, and the groom-to-be spent the entire ride screaming, “I love cocaine!” The weird thing is, more often than not, people are echoing those sentiments on the kiddie waterslides.
04. Sluts – No matter what time of year you travel to Vegas, you can be assured that you will bump into a group of ridiculously hot, totally trashed girls, who are probably in town celebrating the birthday of one of the girls in the group. At least half of the time, the birthday girl’s friends are secretly trying to get her laid on her birthday, so if you act quickly, you can cap your weekend off with a wondrous drunken sex romp with little-to-no repercussions. Unless you forget to pull out.
03. Free booze – It’s free as long as you’re playing, unless you count the $1 tip you should leave whenever you’re served. Last time I was in Vegas, there was a rule that we’d play at a casino long enough for two rounds of drinks to reach us, then move on to the next location. When you consider the ease in walking from place to place, we consumed what would amount to a huge sum of money in a bar for a fraction of the price.
02. Open Liquor? OK! – Speaking of booze, I don’t know of anywhere else in America where you can walk around drunk and belligerent, swinging a bottle of bourbon, a forty of OE, or a girly fruity drink in an oversized plastic replica of the Eiffel Tower and the police will simply smile and say “Hello” as you saunter past. Maybe Mardis Gras? I’ve never been, so I don’t know. The point is, it’s perfectly fine if you want to stand next to a pig and sip your beer, though I wouldn’t advise you to respond to his, “Hello” with a confrontational, “Howdy, pig!”
01. You don’t have to stay long – The whole place loses its luster really, really quickly. It has an insanely high half-life. After night one, you can expect your level of enthusiasm to drop anywhere from 33% to 66%. By the time night two comes to a close, you’re already prepared to get the hell out of town. This is great, because you only have to pay for a hotel room for two nights and you’ve felt like you’ve experienced a month’s worth of fun and have acquired stupid stories you can share for years to come.
