You know what I don’t see enough in movies?
Little kids dying.
If the Terminator movies taught me anything growing up, it’s that a high body count equals success. I can’t even comprehend the influence the first two had on my childhood. It’s not like I grew up to be a robot totally lacking sympathy for other humans (okay, maybe I lack sympathy for other humans), but I’ll never forget the amount of violence I witnessed at a young age. I learned to fear futuristic robots (except for the ones that are programmed to love). I learned only to speak if it was imperative, just like Arnold did. And most of all, I learned never to get involved in any political causes, because I would inevitably be hunted down by indestructible futuristic robots. The Terminator franchise was as educational as it was entertaining.
Why don’t more movies kill off children characters? If the industry is so determined to influence youth culture, they should do so in a positive way: by depicting the various ways little kids can die. It doesn’t even matter how they choose to do it. They could teach children not to drink drain cleaner, or cut themselves, or take psychedelic drugs. Movies would be like PSA’s, espousing positive life choices instead of simply showing the courtship process of over-sexed high school meatheads and stuck up, spoiled bitches. As much as I hate Sophia Coppola The Virgin Suicides was a great example of killing off young kids at the end of the movie. That will teach those arrogant brats! Right? Oh wait, they committed suicide because the parents were overprotective. Whatever. My point remains. We need Robocop bodycounts in teen movies. Scores of bodies in the streets! It’s the only way they’ll learn the mistakes of MY generation.
[Here’s where I quickly shift my focus instead of explaining that last sentence, which would take far too much time. Also, it’s completely unfounded.]
I woke up this morning on the precipice of a cold, so I have to go to the pharmacy and stock up on vitamin C and all those other immune system healing products. Here’s a dumb game that will obviously fail. Let’s see if we can get one person from each of the fifty states to comment on this otherwise pointless blog entry. Just add your name and the state you live in, and we’ll see how far we get. Now, I’m not a betting man, but I’m willing to bet the farm (I don’t own a farm) this won’t work.
