Here’s a nice list of observations I’ve made in the past week while drifting through the more mundane aspects of everyday life.
– Verizon cellphone commercials: They have one where a guy in a gym takes a break from pumping iron to talk about the new hit song he downloaded as his ringtone. Then the phone starts ringing, and the most theatrical gay pop song starts playing (by Fall Out Boy), and the gym rat starts pumping his fists like he’s really digging an all-time great rock anthem. The alternate version of this same commercial has a guy sitting on the steps outside his brownstone apartment, praising the new Justin Timberlake song he downloaded to his phone. What kind of idiot ad agency executive allowed his retarded homosexual staff to push through this ad campaign? I doubt a single grown man on this entire planet listens to either Fall Out Boy or Justin Timberlake, and the fact that they expect an audience to relate to these dopey ads reaches the highest echelon of stupidity.
– Whole Foods’ buffet: I went to a different location recently and it wasn’t any better the second time around. I don’t even know why I bother going to eat there anymore. They don’t have scales to weigh your food, so you if you over one-pound of food you’re penalized harshly. Miscalculating the amount of chicken or macaroni on your plate should not warrant the same punishment as overdrawing a bank account. Not only that, nothing I’ve had there is cooked properly. The pasta was 15-20% uncooked, and the entire meal was “served” tepid at best. Look, I’m doing my best to eat healthy, organic foods, the least Whole Foods could do is provide customers with an edible product.
Here’s a video that even non-sports fans can enjoy. It’s about on the same level of inanity as Randy Johnson killing a bird with a pitched baseball. In this video, Mark Mallory (the mayor of Cincinnati) throws out the annual first pitch of the season. Sort of. This is about the worst throw I’ve seen in my entire life, and he did it in front of about 40,000 people. How embarrassing must that be? I’ve been to Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati, and there really isn’t a bad seat in the building. No doubt everyone there saw it, plus the TV audience on ESPN2 and countless more on the Internet. That guy should never be allowed to show his face in his own city until it’s time to elect somebody else. My mom could out-throw that clown.
