Man, I’m getting old. My whole body aches today. Maybe I’ve come down with a case of the AIDS?
Hey, it’s Friday! Time for the first “Top Ten” of 2007. I’m watching this sports talk-show and they’re going crazy about football and which players are overrated and underrated. So, bearing that in mind…
TOP TEN UNDERRATED THINGS
10. Publication: TapeOp – It can be hit-or-miss. For three or four years now, each issue has one or two excruciatingly boring articles or interviews, but there’s always that one tidbit or surprise that makes me thankful for being a subscriber. Most of the gear reviews are over my head, because I don’t follow the progress in digital technology or outboard components. John Agnello’s interview was fun to read after I sat in on sessions with him at Water Music Studios. Deerhoof’s recent interview was awesome. This month there’s an interview with the guy who engineered my favorite Trans Am record (Red Line). The bonus online Will Oldham interview from ’04 was a fanboy’s dream (he drinks Maker’s Mark. Ooooh!). Plus, it’s free!
09. Practice: Correct Grammar – Because people who don’t understand the difference between “who” and “whom” sound like idiots, and I’ll be DAMNED if I’m going to be seen in public with an idiot.
08. Actor Comedian: Bob Odenkirk – In the wake of Mr. Show, David Cross has been everywhere. To an outsider, it would appear Cross, with his stand-up albums and multiple television appearances, was the more skilled of the two. Not true! I submit that Odenkirk was the true face of the show. Cross just played the same annoying, loud crazy guy in every sketch, while Bob’s subdued delivery and “talent” enabled him to morph into his characters, the result of which was far funnier than David’s profanity. Also, according to Matt, Bob made a stop in Tucson a few years ago to screen a movie, and afterwards he had a post-party thing called “Get Drunk With Bob Odenkirk,” where you could go to a bar and buy him drinks, and he may or may not choose to talk to you. Genius!
07. Pavement Record: “Terror Twilight” – I don’t care what middle-aged graybeard Stephen “It’s pronounced Stee-ven” Malkmus says in interviews about disliking this record. He’s a fucking hypocrite. He fawns over David Berman and plays on those Silver Jews records, and they all sound like shittier versions of Terror Twilight. The Natural Bridge? More like, The Terriblest Twilight.
06. Sporting Event: World Cup – You couldn’t pay me to sit down and watch a soccer match on my free time. Free time, by the way, is also underrated. You could do anything! But back to soccer. Boring, yes? Yet, for some reason, I’m oddly compelled to watch every single second of the World Cup. For the past two cups, I’ve watched as much as my schedule will allow. It’s compelling. The fans get into it. It’s like a Super Bowl for those people every day for weeks. I think I just lost half my readers because I talked about soccer.
05. Lifestyle: Miser – Spending money is nice, because it enables you to use items that were not previously in your possession. Saving, on the other hand, isn’t nearly as glorious as spending. It doesn’t get the same press coverage. You don’t see celebrities endorsing banks, interest rates, or investment plans (unless they’re really old and/or out of work). What people don’t realize is, the more you save, the more money you’ll have later to purchase something even better than what’s available now!
04. Word: Douchebag – “Douchebag” has received a lot of flack of late for being overused. It’s partially true. A recent graph I drew shows an exponential increase in the number of instances in which “douchebag” has been spoken on television through the past five years. Personally, I think this whole trend started when I decided in ’02 that I was going to “bring douchebag back.” No joke. Ask my roommates. I said “douchebag” in every conceivable way. And nonsensical ways too. I trotted out “douchebag” to describe almost everything, even using it multiple times in a single sentence. For example, my roommate Guy once asked me to write a review of some theatrical production of his. I originally titled the article “Douchebags Douche Selves On Stage In Douchey Take On Douchebaggery.” The title was later edited by my idiot editor, but my continued utterance of the word ensured it’s return to popularity in modern nomenclature. You can thank me at any time.
03. U.S. City: Louisville – I’ve written at great length how much fun I’ve had there, and the amiable, interesting locals. If you ask people from Louisville, they get all modest and pretend it’s too “hip” and “up it’s own ass,” but I think they’re just trying to keep outsiders from infiltrating their own little Babylon hidden deep inside lush, green Kentucky. Okay, so it’s “deep inside,” Kentucky. In fact, it’s practically located in Indiana. But you get the idea.
02. Condiment: Cholula Hot Sauce – If you haven’t stolen it from your local burrito joint, you don’t know what you’re missing. I use it on everything. Eggs, hamburgers, apples, grapes, broccoli, shrimp, pizza…I even dump some in Diet Pepsi or bottled-water for an extra kick.
01. Cartoon: Home Movies – Where has it gone? I used to revel in its inclusion in the Adult Swim lineup, but it has effectively disappeared from their archives. Would you believe that I—a staunch advocate of “Futurama” as the greatest show on television—own more complete-season DVDs of “Home Movies” than I do of “Futurama?” I own the entire series. The characters are brilliantly crafted, the plot is incredible, and it’s way more sophisticated than everything else (maybe even “Futurama”) that’s ever been on Adult Swim. And yet, where’s the love? WHERE’S THE GOLD-PLATED MONUMENT TO THIS ACHIEVEMENT IN 20TH CENTURY MEDIA?
