Say, you know who hasn’t been in the news at all recently? Saddam Hussein. Whatever happened to that guy? It’s like, he was there in Iraq, the place was running smoothly, things got a little chaotic, and the next thing you know, he’s pretty much non-existent. Second place goes to former president Gerald Ford. I don’t think I’ve heard a peep out of him since that episode of the Simpsons where Bush Sr. gets run out of Springfield and Ford takes over his giant house on Evergreen Terrace. I wonder what happened to him, or if we’ll hear a peep out of him any time soon. I guess the country just isn’t that interested in the lives of ex-Presidents. Ex-Presidents…They’re a band from Williamsburg, right?
But seriously–couldn’t these deaths have happened a few weeks ago, or even a few months ago? I mean, my “BEST DEATHS OF 2006” list is totally obsolete now. Like I give a fat shit that Don Knotts and Fritz Klein are dead. If I’d made that list today, I probably wouldn’t even know they were dead! Imagine the laughs that could have been had by my trying to write an obit for Hussein? As a writer, these are rare opportunities that you don’t want to miss. Sometimes I wonder why people’s free will allows them to keep living when I’d rather them to die for my own personal benefit, so I can weasel a few more laughs out of my friends with timely jokes.
