I updated the last 3 entries today. Also found photos from Devil’s Tower and Deadwood, SD (8-12-05). Enjoy.
So. This is it. The end has ceased to be a beacon of light blinking in the distant future. It has slipped into the present. Five and one-half weeks of steady movement have led to the end of the line. No more forward or back, no more South, West, North or East. I am stationary now for an indefinite period of time. The trip has concluded and there is nothing left to see. Now here is nowhere. I am home in New Jersey, trying to make the most of mundane suburbia. I have charted the far reaches of this country and I have explored the different doors inside my own head. An average of 4.5 hours in a car every day will do that to a man.
I met people and had experience that I hesitate to call “life altering,” but it’s the first phrase that comes to mind. I would say that this generation, my peers, is filled with idealists who want nothing more than to contribute something meaningful to the world. Our plight is the high expectations forced upon us by older generations. It used to be that each successive age group out-earned their parents. Historically speaking, this trend has shifted of late. Is it any wonder so many folks I’ve met feel lost? All we want is to leave something lasting. Maybe it’s just the people I choose to affiliate with. We’re not careerists by any means. Confusion and unease envelope us all. This population, we’re all in the same ship. The only problem is, we have no map and our compass points every which way at once. Pulled in all directions by invisible forces, we glance around for opportunities to find what it is we really want from life. There are others, too. There are those who see no fault in subscribing to someone else’s notion of how they should live their lives. They go off to fall in line and work as cogs in some greater machine. These are the willing. There are those who lack ambition and drive and sit around waiting for the world to approach them. These are the apathetic. Then there are the hopeful. Unwilling to buy into a life of slave labor, and unprepared to bide their time waiting for opportunities to converge.
I have aspirations and I want to be sure to reach them. This journey was a large first step. I made an effort to stand on my toes and stretch as high as I could to reach something- anything. I have returned taller, closer to the prize. Everything is in motion. My future and my goals are imperceptible at their current rate of speed, but we are both inching nearer.
I am going to miss life on the road. Racing down freeways with freight trains, watching the sun dip below the horizon in the western sky, learning how to meet new people and hold a conversation without a shred of fear in my bones. I am empowered now. Forty stories high. I am trying to keep myself busy. I am making plans and I will see everything through to completion. There is nothing to be afraid of. Sickness, failure, aging, longing, loneliness, they are useless emotions that will conspire to stifle creativity. Recognize and adapt. I cannot risk dwelling and losing focus or momentum. Right now, I am a snowball. I am steam-rolling the countryside and carving out a path.
Goodbye to the road. Goodbye to the country, to the cities and towns that took me in during heat, cold or rain. Red states and blue states. Thank you to everyone who inspires me every day. Thank you for your floors and couches, beds and sofas. Thank you to those who have made me feel wanted, accepted, loved and appreciated. Thank you for bottles of water, clothing, hugs, kisses, conversations, blankets, snacks, internet connections and smiles. Thank you for showers, pints, and for filling me with warmth. Thank you for having pets to play with. Thank you for having books or magazines or records to enjoy. Thank you friends at home for phone calls during long drives, for listening at great length to my emotional blather, and for calling me out when I slipped into fits of existentialism. Thank you to those who made this all possible. Whether I’ve known you for 22 years or we just met in passing, thank you. Thank you to you who has read me today.
THANKS… Mom & Dad & Elissa. For your support. For having faith. For looking up directions when called upon.
THANKS… Rob and Lauren, Stephen George, Tim Furnish, Will Chatham, Brooke Tuttle, JK McKnight, WHYLouisville, Jet Silhouette, Jason, Tim Midgett, Chad Nelson, Jeff Mueller, Lois “Mim” Cohen, Elissa & Jeff Halpern, Lindsey and Brian Glass, Bubba Kadane, Hampton Inns, Andrew Kenny, Craig Stewart, Ben Dickey, Waterloo Records, Ruby, The Sandoval Family, Ben Michael, Matt Galanty, Gretchen Romans, Will & Liz & Emily Ignatoff, Corey Palent, Laura, Kevin, Molly Hanrahan, Amoeba Records, Fred Segal, Greg Briggs, Jen Mundy, Monica, Joan, Jefre Cantu, Jim Redd, Jamie Stewart, Aquarius Records, Adrienne Goeller, Ernie November (Billings), Best Western Motels, Drastic Plastic (Omaha), Jeff & Kathy Ignatoff, Rich Fessler, Joe, Steve & Lisa Marie & Ethan Benko, Lindsey Farina & Sam Bowlin, Christy & Jessica Hannon, Emma Bartholomew, Marsha Ignatyeva, Ian Weinberger, Ilya Malinsky, Guy Newman, Liad Cohen, Kate M, Melissa Bowman, Sara Arnett, Meredith Klein, Rachel Mirman, Marika Ets, and anyone I might have forgotten.
With eternal love and hope,
ehl.
[redacted] proudly endorses Apple Computers, Volvo cars and Fat Tire Amber Ale.
