me so sorry. me had to go into the city for the day to handle some pressing legal issues.
when i approached the requisite nypd precinct to take care of my citation, i was expecting to come across every possible movie stereotype of a police station ever… there was going to be a guy sitting up on high, right inside the entranceway, talking down to worried parents (in an Irish accent) telling everyone that they’d try to find their missing kid. someone would be yelling at a “perp.” the exchange would be:
“tell me where the money is, jones!”
“i swear i don’t know nuttin!”
there would be one cop holding his bullet-riddled, recently deceased partner screaming “WHY!” over and over again for the duration of my stay, there would be a series of men walking around looking like identical twins headed for a lineup, i would hear someone saying either “book ’em, Dan-o!” or “take ’em away, boys!” there would be coffee and donuts everywhere.
sadly, upon entering the precinct, i wasn’t greeted by an officer with a hardened stare saying, “So. LeVine. I was wondering when you’d show up.” instead, there were people sitting behind a banister of some kind, but they weren’t looking down at people with disdain or annoyance. they were fairly helpful. i spoke to some guy… i guess he was a clerk or something… and explained my plight.
another officer (i kept calling them “cops,” which i was told they don’t like very much) overheard me and offered to help. he informed me that if i wanted to correct the citation i would’ve had to do it within twenty-four hours of receiving the summons. so i told him that the officer never mentioned that to me. because of that, and because it was a holiday weekend, it would have been impossible to comply. he understood, and told me not to worry, he’d take care of it. he grabbed a form and we sat down at a desk (again, not like in the movies with guns in the drawers and coffee and donuts and paperwork everywhere) and he began filling it out. when he asked, “when did this occur” and i answered “May 29th,” he soon looked at the ticket for a moment and then held it a bit closer to his face before questioning “at 4:18am? or is that a 9?” and then, my cheeks suddenly feeling a little warm, replied “four.” after a brief glance, he went back to filling out the form. he finished rather quickly. i thanked him profusely for lying on my behalf. i did not ask him if he wanted to go get a donut or some coffee. i left, and went on with my day. no fines, no court dates, no nothing.
